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Happy New Year T-fans!

Firstly, well done for making it this far. 2015 was a long year – about 365 days or something like that – with bits that were not great, some that were great and generally you know sort of how every year is. But you’ve done it, and here we are. Well I’m here. I don’t know where you are*, that’d be creepy and I don’t understand how to use the internet like the NSA do. I mean, I would try, but I usually Google a name and after two minutes of finding only LinkedIn profiles for people who’ve been endorsed by their family for being a ‘team leader’, ‘photocopies without swearing’ and ‘dead inside’ then I usually realise I don’t care anymore and stop. **

I hope you had a great Christmas and hopefully none of you were too badly affected by the terrible floods. The Prime Minister insisted they were ‘unprecedented’ even though they’ve happened several years in a row now while the government keep cutting flood defence funds. I had no idea their idea of a ‘Northern Powerhouse’ was consisting of tidal power. If you weren’t affected but have time to help, check out @riotcleanup on Twitter. They did a great job helping clean up after the riots in London in 2011, and are now doing the same to clean up flood damage. Similarly do let me know if there are any fundraisers/kickstarters you’d like me to publicise and I’ll happily do so. I always remember the amazing resilience of an audience in Barnard Castle a few years ago who when I asked if they were ok post floods a man shouted ‘It was great, the kids got the lilos out and made the hill a make shift log flume.’ Incredible.

My Christmas mainly consisted of my body trying to find extra space to fit roast potatoes into. I’m fairly sure were I to be dissected they’d find most of organs were half the size to allow extra food to fit in, and the majority of my blood is now gravy or cheese. I’m hoping to spend the next two days remembering how to do anything useful and then working my way towards being able to have a conversation with people that aren’t my family and doesn’t revolve around how everything on the TV is rubbish.***

So look, it’s now January and as we all know, not much happens for a month but we all insist on still getting on with life because it’s that or they’ll repeat the Mrs Brown’s Boys Xmas special on TV again. I’ve not got many shows on at all until February which makes my bank account very sad but it does mean I’ll be scribbling new things and eating less. Oh and….


There is of course the filming of my show on January 17th. There’s only 23 tickets left which is exciting, so if you’re keen to come, do book asap. There might be a handful of extras on the door too if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, you might get hit by lightening or order a pizza but get the wrong topping on it. Life’s weird like that. So here’s the link to tickets:


If you’ve seen it already, it will have some new bits in. If you haven’t seen it already, it’ll be all new bits! If you’re some sort of psychic then you’ve probably heard it all, but why not come just to be part of an event? I recently found out that Ben Hilton – my chum and stalwart film maker – has been working on a film that’s part of a mega big exciting film franchise**** and will be using the cameras on my show as he did for that. If he doesn’t CGI in a lightsaber***** to the finished product, I will be sad.

If you can’t come, don’t worry, I will annoy you all forever when it’s put up online. Actually forever. Even at the doors of the end of the universe when time itself stops, the last denizens of humankind will still be getting some sort of automatic email from me saying to download it.******


That’s really it for shows this month. However, should more pop up, you can check them on my NEW SWISH LOOKING WEBSITE! That’s right, my ever excellent webman James Hingley has updated it all and given it a fresh lick of digital paint so it’s all a bit easier to navigate and look it. Why not head there now and click away to your hearts desire until you realise the content really hasn’t changed all that much?



So while I’m not doing anything exciting, other very funny people are. Two acts I’d recommend immediately are Trygve Wakenshaw and Stuart Goldsmith. Trygve is on at the Soho Theatre from January 11th. His incredible physical comedy makes me laugh until I feel sick. He’s just brilliant.


Stuart Goldsmith is a very funny man indeed and is on tour through March and April so why not go see him eh?



And that’s all for now. Though probably the second I send this I’ll realise I’ve left 15 things off of it as I always do and then cry at night realising how sad it is that you’ll all miss out. Oh god it’s sad. So, so sad. Too too sad.

But that’s no way to start the year so just leave the crying to me and have a bloody lovely beginning to it all. Hopefully I’ll see you at the recording, unless you’re a) not coming or b) really good at hiding. Neither of which are great for filming.



* This is a lie. I do really. And let me say, you have a very nice home. And lovely hair.

** This is a lie. I barely go on LinkedIn in the first place. I don’t have a proper job. I don’t understand how it works. I don’t like being linked to things. It makes moving difficult.

*** Not all the Christmas TV was rubbish. ‘And Then There Were None’ was great. Also at one point I turned the TV off and you could see my reflection in it and that was great. Try it.

**** I won’t say what franchise as I’m professional.

***** I’m not really that professional.

****** I sometimes have nightmares that spam mail and cockroaches will be all that’s left at the end. LOVE YOU BYE!