Reindeer T-Fans (Deer, cos it’s December and reindeers yeah? Yeah? No? Oh.)
It’s that most wonderful time of the year when the new Star Wars film and a the possibility of World War 3 lurks around the corner all to commemorate the birth of baby Santa Claus a few decades ago. Are you feeling Christmassy? I’m already annoyed with how busy shops are, feel stressed trying to think about what on Earth to buy family for presents and I’ve sworn loudly at Christmas music being played 4 times already. So my cockles are definitely warmed in a festive manner right now, whatever that means.
I’m very much hoping we don’t go and bomb Syria as well. I’m sure that’s not what they want for Christmas. Though probably by the time this email goes out we already will be and various politicians will be justifying it by saying ‘Well we have no proof it’ll make a difference but we needed something to do on a rainy day and we’ve got loads of spare bombs that need using up.’ I’ve been considering avoiding all media until the New Year* but then realised I’d be too happy and have nothing to write comedy about so I’ve vetoed that idea.
In other news, an arts centre near me is doing Jedi training lessons for kids but has no news on one for adults. This is discriminatory and I intend to cover up my beard and join in the kids one as they’ll be pretty easy to beat being all small and that. If I film it I’m sure JJ-Ab** will let me be in Episode VIII. I seriously can’t wait for The Force Awakens and have conveniently repressed all memories of the prequels. It’s incredible how growing up with Star Wars as a staple of my watching day has given me the most highly naïve level of trust possible. Ruin my childhood memories once, shame on you, ruin it twice, then I’m an idiot but the trailer did look really good didn’t it?
Anyway, this month and some 2016 things***…..
I will be banging on about this next month too. Quite a few tickets have gone but to make it look good for filming i.e. like I actually have people who like my comedy**** then it’d be great to pack it out. It’s on Jan 17th and TICKETS ARE FREE. I can’t stress that enough. Mainly because this is an email and it’s quite hard to stress more than just using capitals in type. Of course, that does mean you could get tickets then not turn up at no loss to you, but that will make me sad and I’ll have your name on a bit of paper and write rude things about you on post it notes around my flat.
It’ll be pretty much the same show I’ve been doing since August, with some added bits due to various recent events. There is nothing worse than the world changing in ways to make your material irrelevant. Eh? (HASHTAG FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS). Anyway, get your tickets here:
See you on the 17th!
THIS IS YOUR TRIAL
December’s pretty quite for gigs because I’ve planned it that way. I’ve found that audiences can be pretty un-fun in the lead up to Christmas on account of alcohol intake and that only one person in the office has suggested comedy and the rest just want to talk or get off with each other. However of the few gigs I have, this one in particular looks like it’ll be brilliant fun:
Me, Tim Fitzhigham, Josie Long and Arthur Smith improvising court trials based on audience misdemeanours. What more could you want? Silly wigs? Well you’re in luck. Come along, we’ll drink Christmas booze before, during and after and I’ll try not to bore you with the fact that I’m seeing Star Wars the next day.
PODCAST AND OTHER THINGS
Last month’s mail out I promised a shiny new possible Partly Political Broadcast podcast. As you can tell, it hasn’t happened yet. This is slightly to do with me planning to release it a few weeks ago, and then realising that having a first episode about the tragedy in Paris wouldn’t be a fun start. It also didn’t help that my website is currently being updated by James – the excellent web man***** that sends this mail out – and won’t have a podcast place on it till it does. So, podcast will happen next year and you won’t hear the end of it, believe me. Unless you listen to it obviously, then it will have an end otherwise that’d be a lot of recording to do and not sure iTunes allow infinite casts.
As for er…other things. Well, there aren’t any at the moment. Just thought I’d make this bit sound more exciting than me giving shoddy excuses for not doing this. I understand the concept of ‘less is more’ but what I like to do is bore all my mailing list readers with paragraphs and paragraphs of things I’m not doing and won’t be happening. Here’s some more:
- Sponsored Sky Dive: Happening never.
- Me on TV anytime soon: I might be in the background of the news if I’m lucky.
- Spontaneous Human Combustion: Possibly Boxing Day depending on how much I drink at Christmas.
My good chum and writer extraordinaire Nikesh Shukla is putting together a collection of 15 essays and stories by British based writers from ethnic minorities about race and immigration. One such writer is my lovely girlfriend Miss L (or @proresting on Twitter), and others include people who’s writing I also adore including Musa Okwonga, Bim Adewumni, Chimene Suleyman and brilliant comedian Nish Kumar.****** He’s doing it via Unbound so do spare a few quid to help get this off the ground and get your copy of it too.
OTHER OTHER THINGS
- This FT parody piece on the reasons for bombing Syria made me chuckle about a very unchuckleable subject: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4d31c8bc-941c-11e5-b190-291e94b77c8f.html#axzz3sJgh5WrV
- Isn’t it great how the news interviews intelligent clued up people about their intelligent clued up views? https://vine.co/v/iae9JWQx7Op
- I went to see Public Service Broadcasting at the Brixton Academy and it was one of the very best live music gigs I’ve been to in some time. If you haven’t heard them before, check them out. They have this amazing announcement to start their shows: https://youtu.be/sOlmjrGhZvo
- Day 1 of #TIERNANADVENT. I will be doing this everyday, yes. https://twitter.com/TiernanDouieb/status/671647108701794304
- Adam Buxton’s new podcast has been making me giggle like an idiot on public transport. It’s constantly so very lovely and funny: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-adam-buxton-podcast/id1040481893?mt=2
- Listening to that, reminded me of this which I remember every few months then can’t help but smile about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04mwN5Zjg5c
That’s all for December folks. A small shout out to Kate who, after I said last month that clearly no one reads this outside of the UK, pointed out that she’s in Boston. I’m hugely excited that this is now an INTERNATIONAL NEWSLETTER! But also mega sorry that I am not doing any shows in Boston anytime soon. If any of you would like to fix that I wouldn’t be at all opposed. Ahem. Nudge nudge hint hint.
Have a cracking December, Christmas, Hannukah, Bodhi Day, Pancha Ganapati, Newtonmas, Yule, Hogswatch and New Year. Oh and most importantly, Star Wars day.
LOVE YOU ALL BYE
*Word insists I capitalise that even though I really didn’t want to. Word is such a dictator at times. Except when I use auto-dictate, THEN I WIN! TAKE THAT WORD!******
** That’s what I call JJ Abrahms cos we’re buds. He calls me ‘Who are you? I’m calling security!’
*** Really I’m hoping that 2016 things will include robots, discovering aliens, time travel, real lightsabers and world peace, but I felt that was a bit much for a mail out. Also I am sorry that all gigs in this email are in London but I’ve few elsewhere if you check my website. Or y’know, move to London.********
**** I realise this is quite an ask for anyone.
***** I like to pretend that ‘Web-Man’ is a pound shop version of Spider-Man.
****** Word really hated this bit. Its spell check basically broke down trying to get through it. It took years to accept ‘Douieb’. What a racist.
******* I never use auto-dictate.
******** It’s these sorts of cocky comments that make me hate people.