Jogging the Memory

I was so planning to go jogging this morning. It was going to be step 1 in my ‘get healthy’ plan. Its not really a plan, more something I put in this blog and have said a few times to a few people until I myself would believe I. But that’s enough that meant I had fully got into my head that I would get up nice and early (for me) and do a jog around some places till I ran out of breath and keeled over, having to crawl back to my flat and sit down. I reckoned I would last at least 10 minutes. So the alarm was set, my tracksuit bottoms were put out ready. I’d spent ages working out where to put my keys and iPod while jogging. Certain pockets would have a danger of said items falling out, others would cause discomfort, there were even some that I was sure existed but didn’t which threw off certain plans. Then I woke up this morning, expecting to be all fresh, vibrant and excited about my new found want for health mania and instead I had a headache. Not just a weeny one either, that may well go away after a bout of exercise or fresh air. No, it’s one of those dirty, behind the eyes, makes you feel a bit sick, headaches, the sort that was possibly first conceived by Dante and drawn as the 8th circle of hell where a tiny devil man stabs a little trident into your head. One of those where it feels like your brain has fully and utterly decided to not go along with your days plans and wants to scupper you doing anything but sitting still with your eyes closed and occasionally mumbling words like ‘fuck’, ‘ow’ and occasionally ‘headaches are stupid heads’ to yourself. So, ultimately, no jogging.

I am wondering if perhaps this is my head’s rebellion against jogging. The aim shall be that I’ll go tomorrow, and if I wake up with a headache again I’ll decide that maybe jogging shouldn’t happen. It could of course have nothing to do with the jogging notion and may be everything to do with a cold, brain damage, a tiny man with a trident stabbing my head or any other number of things, but I’m not taking any chances. I have started already with some sort of health thing by vowing to only eat healthy type food today. So far so good, but there is half a pannetonne sitting on our kitchen counter looking at me with a certain look of needing to be devoured. I’m not sure how cakes give this look but I have a feeling its further revolutionary tactics by my brain to continue down the cholesterol filled path. Actually I don’t think it is my brain that’s doing these things but perhaps my second brain:

I was sent that link by @welshracer on the Twitternet, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I think it explains rather a lot, and I have some slight worries that my ‘second brain’ is far more dominant than my first. Initially I spent some time thinking that skinny healthy people have a stupid second brain. I have since realised that I can’t work on that being true (although it probably is) and s I shall have to work on ways to suppress it. Maybe if I start drinking or eating things with mind control drugs in it? Or eat pictures of Derren Brown so I can slowly try and control it?

So now today is not filled with recovering from jogging, I will spend it seeing my tiny nan and doing some work. Despite the fact that epiphany (bless you. Oh god I can’t resist that joke even when I type the word. There is something so wrong with me) isn’t till Wednesday, I’ve decided Christmas is over. Layla took down the Christmas tree last night, knowing full well that if she left it to me I’d spill something or break something or cover all the walls in tree. All the baubles have gone too and the cats are left with having to occasionally attack a bag for life that for some reason is hung on the radiator in our living room. I doubt it will be for life. So far it’s lasted a day or two but the cats are starting to suss exactly how to smack it up. And now Christmas is definitely over it means back to work and life and all those other bits. Which is exactly why I got up at 10am, and watched This Morning for a bit before looking at Facebook. Ah, reality. How I’ve missed you.

Oh and before I forget, two quick things:

1) I did go rambling yesterday, which slightly makes up for not jogging today. Tara Flynn brought her dog Oscar who made all proceedings more fun by his insistance to run after a ball and then not give it back and his attempts at picking up sticks bigger than him and carrying them with a waddle that made him look camp. I have decided rambling is rather fun and I didn’t fall over or get kidnapped by a bear or anything.

2) I told you I’d plug this constantly. I’ve actually sold a few tickets which is nice, but I’d really like to sell more. So if you are about on Friday, would like me to talk at you for an hour with funny type things then please come along: