I don’t know if you know, or you’ve missed the bazillion tweets, Facebook posts or general shouts I’ve done about it in the street, but I’m doing a very small tour in just a few weeks. I have, no doubt, already bored a lot of very patient followers and, er likers (is that the term for FB fans?) and will continue to do so over the next few weeks until I do the shows to either no one (because they’ve all got bored & refuse to come) or everyone (because they’ve all given in and realised by buying tickets I’ll shut up). Either way, it’s the only choice I have without thousands to spend on PR or printing, I’m hoping, in a hugely naive way, that simple word of mouth may make this experiment work. Admittedly, it’s my mouth and it’s not a very scientific experiment. Sadly, I’m learning that irritating people is one of the many things I just have to deal with on tour number 1.

The other thing I’ve noted is the amount of people who seem sad I’m not gigging near them. I would, if I could, gig near everyone, do hundreds of shows, and spend my days racing up and down the country doing joke hollers all over the hizzouse. But I’ve organised this tour myself, like a tit, and as a result a lot of venues don’t want me there. They have either outright told me no, because I’m not on the telly and won’t sell tickets, or not replied to any contact at all, or told me they can only do shows contracted to them by certain promoters. So the venues and areas I’m doing, are the venues and areas I can do. Which is 14. So, if those 14 aren’t near you (sorry Scotland and most of Wales, I really did try) then blame your venues for not having me.

If however all these 14 dates do sell well, then the chances are, I can come back and do other shows elsewhere by proving the shows I do do, sell ok. It’s all a very vicious circle that isn’t really that vicious or circular and could all be solved by selling my soul and doing panel shows. Probably. Either way it’s not really what I want to do, ever. The main reason for doing this tour I blogged about a while ago. Not to repeat myself, but it’s because I’m so very tired of doing things how they supposedly have to be done, when in fact, the main reason I do stand-up is to do what I want a lot of time. Yes, a very selfish directive, but if you can’t be selfish in a creative job, then when can you be? Oh yeah, banking. Or politics. Oh. But hey, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. I’ll go back to the drawing board and remind myself why I don’t draw for a living. But I’d like to have a damn good crack at it first. So again, sorry for the tweets, Facebook messages, emails, texts, love letters, carrier pigeons or whatever else I try to do. And sorry if I’m not visiting your city, or town, or village, or street, or house, or living room, or lap. But hopefully I will, at some point in the future. Even if it’s just to show you a rubbish drawing.

The usual plug is below.


I’m doing my first ever UK tour in 2014, starting end of January. All dates and most ticket links are up at my website: https://www.tiernandouieb.co.uk. Please spread the word and come along as if you’re not there, it’ll be rubbish. It’ll just be me in a room and if I can’t get 3G I’ll be really bored. The very funny Chris Coltrane is supporting me on some dates and the brilliant Keith Farnan is doing a double header with me on others.