Its All Gravy

I’m in a hotel room in Leeds. This is the sort of glamorous life a comedian has. Only a week till Christmas and I’m residing in a place that smells of gravy almost 24/7 and has ‘Christmas parties’ that seem to go on at full volume until the early hours with no care whatsoever for the sleeping residents in the rest of the building. Luckily I’m not alone and me and L have enjoyed lying in bed snickering at the inane banter of the people below, terrible thumping beats and the arhythmic sounds of the people next door having what was either the worst sex or weirdest sex we’ve ever heard. Whatever it was, the ever so thin walls actually moved at points as we lay there hoping they’d injure themselves or give up soon as it clearly wasn’t working for anyone involved. It’s an odd place though as in many ways, its a fairly classy place. Looking out of the window we see long green, carefully kept lawns and a huge mansion house, the rooms and beds are lovely and downstairs is a Starbucks with a book swap basket. Though admittedly today’s books that have been left there include Ian Brown and Dan Brown. Two people with the same surname and despite lack of relation probably have very similar writing skills. I can’t work out who this whole building is aimed at but it will do. Today is for heading into Leeds before tonight’s gig and going to the German Christmas Market, in my own way of trying to repair Cameron’s damage of the last week.



Last night was the night known to all who work in the evenings as ‘Black Friday.’ It is supposedly the night where ambulances have to triple their staff due to alcohol related injuries, police forces have to be doubled and comedians have terrible terrible shit times all because its the last Friday before Xmas and we, as Britains have no self control whatsoever when it comes to trying to drink until pain, embarrassment or painful embarrassment. I find it odd how every Christmas we remind each other that its the season of goodwill, but for those who have to make this season fun for everyone else, our goodwill is largely forgotten. Its a horrible name ‘Black Friday’, not only because it adheres to the constant almost racist notions that all things black are therefore bad, but also because by giving it such a name, people almost go out expecting the worst to happen. I’ll admit, I escaped unscathed last night. As fellow comedian’s Twitter feeds were filled with woe about the horrors of humanity they were encountering, I was in a lovely arts centre in Halifax with Chris Martin, Sam Avery and an audience you could only dream of. So really, I can’t complain. But the fact is, up until we got there, we were all worried. Worried there’d be fights, sick, shouting and general mayhem all because people are ‘enjoying themselves’. There shouldn’t be times when we are put at risk because others are twats and I say this completely acknowledging that the poor people who work in the emergency services deserve it even less. Strange how so few things can ever put me off drinking, but this last year, working in comedy has had a slight effect. That and driving. And being poor. But definitely doing the comedy. Hmm. Don’t really have a conclusion to that except that if you are out and about and know full well that you’re likely to be the sort of human that ruins other’s evenings, please check my gig list and avoid it like the plague. Thanks. And Merry Christmas.



So nice to see some of the awards last night handed to those who actually deserve them for once but as per every year, like the bitter man I am, I have a few quibbles. Firstly, how can a sitcom win an outstanding achievement award? I don’t dispute the success of the Inbetweeners or its deservedness, but why didn’t the award go to its creators, writers, or cast? This is more a personal annoyance than anything else. I mean, where does a sitcom put its trophy? Y’see? Yup. That. Secondly, and far more importantly, was the Best Female TV Comic category. I was so glad Sarah Millican won Queen of Comedy as she is one of the hardest working comedians there is out there. A properly lovely and very funny person, you wouldn’t believe the hard graft she has done to get there, and I’m properly pleased for her. But to lose out in the Best Female TV Comic category to Victoria Wood? Tis a bit odd. Again, not because Wood isn’t deserving of such things but more because when was she last on telly? Is the comedy world really so devoid of female comedians that we have to have Victoria Wood and Jo Brand in the category again? When will telly people stop being so lazy and realise that there are some amazing female comedians out there? Shappi Khorsandi, Zoe Lyons, Isy Suttie, Tiffany Stevenson – four who have been on telly a fair bit lately as well as Sarah or Miranda. Hopefully this year’s awards to Sarah and Stewart Lee show perhaps things are slowly changing. Then again Shooting Stars won the award for best panel show after the BBC ridiculously cancelled it, so you never know.


Think that’s all for today. I’m in Leeds at the Hi-Fi Club tonight with the stellar bill of Adam Bloom and Mitch Benn, so I would highly recommend that if you’re local, you grab a ticket asap. Tomorrow is York with Chris Martin, James Redmond and a special guest so also worth spending those pennies for. I must now leave my room before I permanently smell of gravy and dogs follow me around the streets of Leeds all day.