Euros, Set-Up Tips & Hip Hop Facts

Lots of things to say today after a missed blog yesterday due to having lunch with a friend that lasted about an hour and a half longer than expected. Not a bad thing and much fun chat, evil plans and sausage sandwiches were had, but upon leaving I bought myself Arkham City for the Xbox and the rest of the day was a write off. So instead, I’ve bottled up all thoughts and shall splurge them out into a succinct but weighty blog. Go sucky weights!


Some people are saying that Cameron has saved us from being in further trouble from the Eurozone crisis by veto-ing a Euro wide treaty change and effectively removing us from the EU altogether. Yes, I can see why Brits may be happy about this. We’ve never really like the Europeans, no matter how much we pretend we are xenophobic anymore, but fact is their lovely lifestyles, healthier living and sunny weather makes us all a bit upset. Then there is the more important issue of how much more debt we’ll gain if we continue to bail out countries who’ve borrowed more than they can pay back. But what no one seems to be worried about is how Cameron only wanted protection for the City of London, not the UK, citing unacceptable demands that would make the mini-tax haven in the centre of the capital exempt from rules that would affect the rest of Europe so corporations could continue paying their execs 49% pay rises without paying back into the country. What no one seems concerned about is that despite our banks being some of the strongest in the world and our credit rating still being a AAA rated one, if we were to ever slip into trouble (or at least more trouble than the government pretends we are in) then we would no longer have Europe’s backing to bail us out. Cameron is severing bonds that have been strong post World War 2, and aside from allowing those who fund the Tories and keep them wealthy to thrive in their corrupt system, I really don’t think this will benefit the rest of the country in anyway.

Cameron says that going along with the treaty would have meant giving up more of our national sovereignty. This is a national sovereignty that he has already allowed to turn to ruin under his and Osborne’s continuing efforts to keep us in recession. The treaty wouldn’t have affected our sovereignty anywhere near as much as the rising unemployment rate will or the destruction of businesses and industry. We also have to remember that this crisis isn’t just the Eurozone, nor is it caused just by Greece or Italy or any other nation the news likes to highlight as a main culprit. It is a global crisis that is a fallout of the global crisis in 2008 and is effecting the entirety of the Western world. Now, what Cameron has done, is made sure that we, as a nation, are even more alone in dealing with it.

Have a read of this for a better, more informed explanation:

Let Them Eat π

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For the first time in a long time, this month has been privy to me turning up to gigs that just aren’t set-up properly. The sound was bad or lighting wasn’t right, chairs were facing the wrong way or everything was on fire or it was on top of a mountain or something. Just something. It hasn’t happened to me in ages and whilst I very much assumed these sorts of things would happen when I was a happy-go-lucky open spot, you assume that in the world of the properly paying gigs that this just doesn’t exist anymore. Sadly, it appears that people won’t even take two minutes of a their time to work out how to make a gig work. Speaking to my friend yesterday who works as a music type in the music industry, he says its the same for so many music venues, that speakers don’t work or they don’t have enough monitors etc. So here are some quick tips for making a gig work if you are a budding promoter or just a shit one:

– Lights. We need a light on the performer. That really helps. If the audience can’t see us, something is taken away from going to see live comedy, like facial expressions, mannerisms and gestures. The exceptions to this rule are ‘Comedy In The Dark’ which is a special gig, and anyone who’s blind who likes comedy. And audio comedy stuff. Look, there’s always exceptions, but trust me, we need to be lit, and its not just because I like life in the spotlight. Conversely, audiences shouldn’t be lit. Maybe a tiny bit so we can see the first few rows, but the darker a room is, the more likely people will laugh without inhibitions. Otherwise who wants everyone else to know they can’t stop giggling at that gag about (insert your own nasty gag here possibly involving such subjects as paedophilia, the holocaust or whatever else newer acts are doing at the moment). So yeah, just sort the lights out. Its really not very difficult even if it just means to tape 12 torches to a penguins head so he keeps looking up at the act every time the light shines on him, and turn all the other lights out. Don’t do that though.

Sound – You know how comedy is all about people hearing the jokes then laughing at the jokes? Well the entire premise of this type of entertainment is ruined if we sound like we’re trapped in a well/surrounded by bees/ a mute. Why not just get a good mic and some decent speakers so the very basic need for comedy to work is seen to?

Seating arrangements – No we don’t like looking at your backs. Or your profile. Face forward like your angry headmistress would say in assembly, and at least give the audience the chance to pretend they are focussed at bit. Don’t stick people behind pillars, they don’t like it. Rowed seating stops it feeling like its a boardroom conference or that people are in their own pub quiz teams.

That’s pretty much it, though it also helps if the people running the gig give a shit and don’t heckle the acts throughout. Let’s all just care a bit more eh? Thanks. Now I’m off to implement my penguin torch idea.



I’m going to see DJ Shadow tonight at the Kentish Town Forum. I’m a bit bloody excited as I haven’t been to see him live since he upset me with The Outsider album. Well apart from seeing him at the O2 Festival last year and Glastonbury this year. Apart from that. Anyway, he’s hella awesome, so in honour, here’s some hip hop facts I wrote the other day and didn’t get to use cos the gig was rubbish:

– Scientists have discovered that contrary to belief, Jurassic 5 are actually from the cretaceous period.

– B Real isn’t. He’s actually a figment of Sen Dog’s imagination.

– 50 Cent suffers from short term memory loss. Hence telling Shorty its their birthday then telling Shorty to party like its their birthday.

– Big Pun only ever made one pun in his life & it was by accident when he said ‘who’s ready for Pun times?’ in 1998.

– Conspiracy Theorists say there are several clues that say the Real Slim Shady actually died in 1984.

– Method Man is only allowed to rap once Hypothesis Man raps first.

– Ghostface Killah’s lacksadasical ghostbusting methods are the cause of all headless spectre sightings.

– NWA were straight outta Compton. But inside Compton, they were all gay.

– Fugee-la is the note that follows Fugee-so.

– Will.I.Am likes to be referred to by other people as Will.You.Are.

– Pete Rock is a trick question in the game ‘Animal, Vegetable or Mineral.’

– Snoop Dogg’s favourite type of cake is a lemon drizzle.

More soon fact fans.