I’m off on my best mate’s stag do today. Mat being my best mate means I am his best man and ultimately the mantle has fallen on me to have organised these next two days of stag action. And it is a mantle, possibly more so for me than others. I don’t mean to sound all melodramatic but when you work in the field I do, stag dos become a thing of contempt. Time and time again I have gigged to these bestial parties of testosterone who have only a few possible thoughts in their head, all of which fall along the lines of ‘fuck things, hit things, shout at things, drink’. Don’t get me wrong, I have, many a time, been privy to that similar chain of thought, returning to cave man like status on a drunken whim. But since performing to those people, the amount of times I have done such things has been reduced. Generally because you realise just what a bunch of bellends these people are.

I have banned going to comedy for this weekend thank god. I still have no idea why a stag do would ever go to a gig. You want to talk, drink and be with friends on the groom’s last weekend as a bachelor – this idea generally repulses me to begin with. Mat has been with his girlfriend now for about 6 years at least ( I should probably know the exact amount) and so hasn’t been a bachelor for some time. Why also you would want to jinx your wedding to someone you love by saying ‘I’ve got to have one last blow out before we get together as I know we’ll be trapped from then on’ always seems a tad odd. – so going to a gig where you’re meant to shut up and watch is the worst idea in the world. Only a few weeks back at the brilliant Oxford Glee there was an annoying stag do on the back row. Occasionally trying to shout out derogatory comments that weren’t clever, or good enough to be taken notice off, they were dealt with by security and the acts and sat looking all a bit glum at the back having realised they could be in a bar shouting at people who don’t have a microphone.

So hopefully we won’t be like that this weekend. There are 10 of us with most of the group being actors, one drama teacher, one film maker, one university student and me. I like to believe that this means we’ll be a different stag do. I often believe that if women’s last weekend before marriage is a hen do that then often the male’s version should be known as a cock do. However we won’t be like that. We’ll be sophisticated, charming, amazing and walk away from this weekend feeling like we have indulged the culture of our destination, respected its people and left the place with the residents calling for us to return like its gallant knights of the realm.

Who am I kidding? We’re going to get battered, act like dicks, do things we regret and generally make people hate us. And it’ll be fun. I hope.

There’ll be no blog tomorrow and/or Sunday as I’ll be in no fit state to type let alone use my eyes to see. Sigh. And yey.