Unnecessary Grumbles

Oh dear. There is a combination of late night Thai food and beer in my gut and they seem to have collaborated in a tag team effect to make today difficult as they sit there churning like an over enthusiastic cement mixer. I’m fairly sure this sort of thing didn’t used to bother me, but at the same time I think it may just be I’ve been constantly ignorant to it previously and have just pretended I’m immune to night time debauchery of an edible basis. Instead I am adding this to the long list of things my aging body is not coping with anymore and just assuming I’ve always been this shit. A real low point was a few days ago when I noticed the passenger wing mirror in the car was bent inwards. I waited till I was stopped at a red light and was almost 100% certain I could just reach across and knock it back. I was right, I could. Unfortunately my penance for such an excessive stretching motion was a pain across my entire torso that made me genuinely concerned I might just snap and then keep over. It felt like the sort of warning signal a cow might get if it walks into an electric fence trying to stray away from the herd. Sharp, vicious and most certainly letting me know never ever to do it again. Next time I will just drive without knowledge of the left hand side of me.

I had a very nice night last night though, so such ills are worth it I think. My friend Mary has some truly good tales to keep an evening entertaining beyond normal chat endurance. Last night’s winner was the tragic tale of someone holding a ‘Come As A Cunt’ party, where one bloke turned up dressed as himself thinking it would be funny. Sadly, four other people also turned up as him. Both horrible yet truly hilarious. I love it when people have a natural magnetism to either bear witness to, or take part in such odd occurrences, as I never seem to. That one is fairly self explanatory. The things I attend people just seem to get drunk, or not get drunk. Either way, nothing particularly spectacular or worth telling people about happens and I wonder if either I’m failing to notice them, or I lead a seriously dull existence? I’m hoping its the former. At least then I claim ignorance and revel in its bliss. If its the latter I may have to dispose of all my current friends in search of people who willingly will use their face as a sponge (another of Mary’s stories) to mop up split beer. My only fear is that I won’t like any of them and their constant need to not only go out and drink but to combine it something completely bonkers will get tiresome. I’ll find myself being the miserable one saying ‘David, now is not the time to try and lasso a police offer. Put down the whisky and let’s go home’, and consequently be left out of future happenings.

Its the second time this week, after Wednesday’s demo desertion, that I’ve realised my spontaneity gene is somewhat dwindling with age. Its not ever really been there, but more and more I’m opting for the comfortable and less stressful in terms of mind and body option. When people have asked about a last minute drink or doing something, I have been replying mostly with ‘will there be seats? Will it be noisy?’ and ultimately witnessing stares as though I’ve metamorphosed into an 80 year old man infront of their eyes. I’m not sure what the cure is for such things, or if there is one. Perhaps I need people to just kidnap me and take me places I would otherwise hate. Though I suspect I would still hate them, and even more due to the unreasonable kidnap element. I will not enjoy an 80s cheese night anymore were I to be tied up and bundled into a van first. Maybe I should just embrace it? But to even further levels? Perhaps start going to places wearing slippers and a dressing gown and insisting on only ever sitting in the corner and reading the paper. Or maybe just not go out.

Tonight I’m gigging at London Bridge. This means it is entirely possible for me to be home by 10pm. Or go out afterwards like fun people do on a fun Friday night. Tough call. Though I know I can definitely sit down at home so it might be a clear winner. I’m off to go shout at some kids for enjoying their lives. Grumble grumble.

Last note:

After yesterday’s blog, iTunes did update their site and the direct link to the podcast is now here:


Please download and tell others to too!