What’s Bootsy Doin’?

Time is scarce today. Well I mean, its not scarce. Its clearly around in terms of concept and its ever progression, but it in terms of time that I have to write this blog, its most definitely running out. So I will just share a small joy that I discovered yesterday with you. At about 2pm yesterday afternoon, I realised that Bootsy Collins is on Twitter. Sure, this may not be much of a surprise to you, assuming that most celebrities have now traversed the 140 character stage, why wouldn’t the Bootzilla be on there? Why wouldn’t he be funking out across the Twitterverse with his P-Funk basslines? You’re right. It’s not that surprising that he’s on there. However, personally, for me, its an amazing discovery. Always a fan of the funk, the first Bootsy Collins solo album I purchased, somewhat blindly, was his 1988 return after a six year hiatus, ‘What’s Bootsy Doin’?’ It’s not his greatest works, but its a good 42.21 of electro-funk with tracks such as ‘Shock-It-To-Me’ occasionally popping up on my iPod and being so goddamn funky, if I’m in public it looks like I’m having a seizure trying to bop along to it. But, and here’s the big but, regardless of the music, the title of the album has led to me, on a fairly regular basis ever since, to wonder just what Bootsy is doin’.

The question really doesn’t work in the same way anywhere else. ‘What’s Tiernan Doin’?’ Well right now, drinking tea and typing my blog. See, not that impressive? However I have always had it in my head that if at any time someone should ask ‘What’s Bootsy Doin’?’, the answer would be any of a constant stream of serious P-Funk type activities. For example:

‘What’s Bootsy Doin’?’
‘I’m flying sky high on the P-Funk mothership with my man George Clinton.’

Or something like that. No, I don’t really know what any of it means, but I presume its always backed with a hella cool bassline, and Bootsy is adorned in a massive shoulder padded red leather jacket and star shaped sunglasses, making sure every sentence is punctuated with a ‘yeah!’. Sometimes when really bored, I’ve wondered just ‘What’s Bootsy Doin’?’ and it has cheered me up to know that out there, someone is keeping the funk alive while I’m looking at bank statements.

I then started to assume that maybe this sort of pressure for a constantly funky life is irritating for Bootsy. Maybe its not what Casper The Funky Ghost (that is one of his real aliases. I know. I know) actually wants. Maybe he’s harassed on a daily basis by people wanting to know just what it is he’s up to?

Funkateer: ‘ What’s Bootsy Doin’?’

Bootsy: ‘ I’m playing a mega funky heavy bass riff on mah Bootzilla bass, for the Funk University cats.’

Funkateer: ‘Wow. What’s Bootsy Doin’?’

Bootsy: ‘ Well now, I’m just havin’ a sandwich. But its a, sigh, funky sandwich.’

Funkateer: ‘Amazing. What’s Bootsy Doin’?’

Bootsy: ‘ I just want some peace and quiet. Please leave me alone. Please. Please. *sobs*’

Funkateer: ‘ Is it funky sleep? Are you having funky dreams? What’s Bootsy Doin’? What’s he doin’? Huh? Huh?’

Bootsy sobs and runs away wailing.

I began to get worried. What if, when I finally, if ever, found out just what Bootsy was up to on a day-to-day basis, that it would be a huge let down? What if the one person I liked to imagine was funky 24/7 was actually tired of all the funk? The world would suddenly become a darker place with that lack of base. I’m a poet but don’t know it. Sa ka pow. And all that. Well, it would be a sad sad time for all.

Then I discovered his Twitter feed. Turns out, he is funky all the time. All the frikkin’ time. Most of his tweets start with things like ‘FUNK YEAH BABBA’ and such pearls of wisdom as:

‘ Okay,one Word that describes Funk: “Volcano” because Volcanos shoot ash & nut liquid lava that funks-up everything in it’s path that’s Funk.’

Just incredible. Thank you Bootzilla. Thank you for not letting me down.

In other Twitter news, Brett Anderson from Suede started following me last night. I’m not sure what to think about this. I used to like Suede, so I consider him a big celeb type. It’s very odd he’s just decided to follow my stupid thoughts. Maybe its because all my tweets are such ‘Trash’. Ha! See what I did? Sigh. He’ll so unfollow me by tomorrow.