Drunk Ness

I’ll be honest. I’m still a bit drunk. This blog could go all over the shop if its any indication of how I feel. I feel all over the shop. If I was in a shop right now, I would be all over it like a rash. Big department stores would be a challenge but I reckon with enough effort I could definitely be all over some of it, then move around every ten minutes till I was sure I covered all of it by the end of the day. I know I’m drunk because I’m fairly sure that the things that are happening are to do with last night’s booze intake. Otherwise I should be very paranoid at the way the walls of my room are wobbling, my legs appear to be made of jelly and a tiny man is hitting me from inside my own head. If I’m not drunk, then I really wish the tiny man would stop as I have no idea what I’ve done to infuriate him so, and I really could do with some ice cream to go with my legs.

See? This is what I was worried about. Mad drunk chat like that. Right, this blog is gonna get brief, like a pair of pants. I haven’t said that in ages. High fives to myself. Hmm, that’s just a clap. Still, self applause is comforting when drunk. Although the loud noises are making the man angrier. I will stop.

I had booze yesterday because I had to do my preview at Fat Tuesday. I find this the most terrifying of all the previews because people see me compereing there all year round and it means I feel I really have to do something to raise their expectations of me, rather than indulge them in more of me asking people what they do for a living. Which by the way (and here is my mini rant of today) is the most obvious question to ask, and its often criticised at how boring a compere question it is, but, and here’s the rub, people don’t respond when you ask them more complicated stuff. If you ask them what they do, they’ll give you a quick answer that you can roll with as its at the top of their mind. If you ask them whether they prefer the flight of the Amazonian swallow or the Canadian goose, it’ll just confuse them and create a long awkward pause. Rant over.

Anyway, so I felt I had to prove I had a show too rather than just being the shouty man who brings on other funny people. Lots of the crowd were there just for Stewart Lee, who was closing last night, and they were all pretty hot and bothered before we’d even started. I thought the whole thing would just work against me, and went with some trepidation about how it’d all go down. Sunday’s preview had been so good, that I knew I’d have to crash and burn fairly soon. Its the laws of comedy. Luckily, I didn’t do that yesterday. It went fairly well I think, and sadly this means I’ll have to crash and burn in Edinburgh instead which is not ideal.

Stew’s show was excellent too. I probably didn’t need to tell you that, but if you haven’t booked to see him, you really really really really should. I meant to write really that many times. Its not the drunkness. Drunkness is a lake next to Loch Ness. That was the drunkness. Sorry. I spoke to Stew about his rant against Foster’s ‘Comedy God’ competition. I fully agree with his opinion and it was great he spoke up against it, even if, as he admitted, it may have had something to do with hitting ‘reply all’ instead of just ‘reply’. I’m sure you’ve heard it all, but if you haven’t, the article is here:


The best outcome of all of this is that now 80’s Japanese performance punk band Frank Chickens are number 4 in the list. I think it can’t be that hard to get them to number 1 can it? How amazing would that be? Get voting people and the Comedy God may end up being someone who won’t play the corporate game with Fosters, which would be hilarious.

This blog has gone all over the shop. Sorry again. I’ll stop being drunk tomorrow. I hope. I mean, what if, despite no booze, I was still drunk tomorrow? And the day after and the day after? What if I’ve hit some sort of drunk switch by accident and will now continually end up at home with no knowledge of how that happened? I’m going to go drink a lot of water right frikkin’ now. And then I might pop to Debenhams and start in the kitchen section.