I am confining myself indoors today until the London Improv show tonight, as I still haven’t finished doing my taxes. Despite having started them over a week ago, I have only managed to do half of all my outgoings. This is partly because my attention span will not allow me to get through too many at once without realising its more boring than watching Adrian Chiles read the shares index on repeat. But, it has to be done by Friday, so I am once again under self inflicted house arrest. So far I have been up since ten, and in that time, I have looked at the possibility of doing my taxes twice, before giving in and resorting to doing everything but. I’ve done all the tiny boring things I normally wouldn’t be bothered with, such as tidying up and that sort of thing, and I have now moved onto staring at a small fly in my room buzz about, but curiously only ever at right angles. Im not sure if all flies do this, but this fly is very specifically flying in a line, then turning at what appears to be exact right angles. Though without a protractor, a way of slowing time and a proper concept of right angles, I will never know if this is true or not. What I am concerned about, if this is true, is why it would do such a thing? Various thoughts occur along the lines of perhaps this fly is a angle genius. Bred near a maths lab or in a spirit level or something, it now, for its very short life, has the capability of being an angular genius. Never getting the wrong angles, only the right ones. Thought two is that its a tiny robot, the beginnings of the Matrix sent to spy on us humans. Sadly all it will get from me is that humans like to avoid work and stare at flies. Little do they know this is far from the truth. Well. Not that far. In fact, its quite spot on. Sorry other humans. I’ve let the side down. Soon I will start dancing and then put a hat on my knees and speak to it, to confuse the robots. Thought number three: its an angel and has got confused. I don’t believe number three really. It must be number two.
It appears I will never get my taxes done. Ho hum. What I should use is my motivation to get them done so I don’t have to keep blogging about them. I mean, let’s all be honest, this week has been a weak week in terms of bloggery. Why? Well aside from not doing my taxes I have done very little. At some point today I have to buy bread and I can only presume that this will be a high point in my day. I will take my time over bread buying just because it won’t have anything to do with taxes. Unless I start thinking about how much I have to pay and in what way VAT and things relate to that, but luckily I have no concept of these things and therefore will revel temporarily in the idea that ignorance is bliss.
Right I’ll shut up now. Stupid taxes ruining any creativity. The fly has left, and so I must get these things done, or depress all of you until it happens. On a much more interesting note, at Fat Tuesday last night Andrew Lawrence and Bridget Christie did their Edinburgh previews and they were both ace and far far more interesting than me moaning about taxes. Go see them both. Gig that is, not just follow them around. They’d get scared by that.