The Thunder Child

I’m listening to Jeff Wayne’s ‘War Of The Worlds’ as I type today’s blog, so who knows just what will happen? Why am I listening to that? Who can say. Sometimes I think you just need a song or two about an astronomer’s odds on things coming from Mars and some red weed to get through your day. No? No? No. Ok. Well I’m singing along like the world is about to be invaded by aliens and I don’t care who knows it. Even though there is no one in the house at the moment and if there was I clearly would be listening to something more in line with the T image. Not that there is a T image. I’d love to know what sort of music people assumed I was into when they saw me. I would like to think people take one look at my beardy face and say ‘that is one funky cat, I bet he’s down with all sorts of hella cool shit like funk, hip hop and that’. Sadly I think they probably just assume I sit at home alone singing to Jeff Wayne’s ‘War Of The Worlds’.

Many thoughts for today so let’s go people, before them aliens attack:

– Had Edinburgh preview number 7 last night and it went well-ish. There is still loads of work to do and annoyingly there are whole bits that in my head totally link but in practice, really really don’t. I hate the way sometimes people can’t just use psychic powers to totally get what I’m talking about and sometimes I really think audiences are selfish in the way they expect me to relay everything to them like I’m a performer or something. Yeesh. Got another preview on Wednesday so I shall iron out some things between now and then with a big comedy Tefal. Only problem with ironing comedy is that you’ll never make the audience crease up with laughter. BOOM! If only I could do jokes like that in my show. Or not. Definitely or not.

– If the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one, then technically you are more likely to get invaded by aliens than win the lottery. I do not like this. Although I could probably get lottery equivalent dosh by talking about my alien invasion to the tabloids, so it might be ok.

– My podcast has been up and down the charts like a comedy yo-yo since I put it up last week. I have never ever cared about the iTunes charts but I’ve become a bit too obsessed since my one became part of the iRat Race. I am at huge disadvantage releasing it all in one go instead of weekly to keep those numbers up, but hey ho, I clearly didn’t think it through. Except I did, and I know how impatient I am so I assume everyone else is too. Either way, I hope it helps in terms of ticket sales. So far people have said they’ve enjoyed it, and its got an overall 4 star rating on iTunes which is better than it got in Edinburgh so that’s all nice. Of course there is one bad comment on there too, but that’s inevitable. Its from someone who clearly states they haven’t even heard more than two parts, and yet still feel qualified to complain. That’s fine. Excuse me while I go to watch half a play then critique the hell out of its structure, then read two sentences of a book and decide the rest of its content is dog shit. Actually, saying that, I’ve done both of those things, so I totally let that person off.

– I just got a tshirt in the post. It has a bear fighting a giant octopus on it. I can’t possibly tell you just how happy I am about this. I assume the bear wins, but it isn’t specified whether they are in water or not. It looks like not and therefore bear. If they are though, then octopus. I think I will just look at it for a while and imagine paw vs tentacle hell rage.

– I spent far too long trying to compile this year’s Summerburn CD. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, and I’ve banged on about it before, its a scheme run by where you send two people a CD of your fave summer music and you receive two cds back from two different people around the country. Its all a lot of fun, but what I forget every year is just how stressed I get about it. So far I know what track to start with and what track to end with, but the middle is a mess. Not dissimilar to my Edinburgh show. Maybe I have a problem with middles. Maybe that’s why I like donuts and hula hoops? And hate Jayne Middlemiss? Starting track is ‘Everybody Loves the Sunshine’ by D’Angelo. I swear that is one of the best summer tracks ever ever. Just to prove it, here it is:


– I wouldn’t be all that scared of a heat ray, unless I was already pretty hot. Then it might make me really sweaty. Actually thinking about it, aliens that get defeated by germs and have a gun that’s a bit like a sunbed would be crap. They’d totally go through Liverpool getting their arses kicked.

– For youse lot who are on Twitter, tonight is #twitterbrawl3. Twitter brawl was an idea I had ages ago to have a massive bar brawl on Twitter. The first time about 300-400 people took part spending an entire hour tweeting how they were kicking each others arses in a cowboy bar brawl type manner. Many pianos were broken and people thrown through saloon doors. It was, surprisingly, hugely popular and we have since had a second one themed on a Victorian bar. Tonight it returns after popular demand, and the setting is Sci-Fi. I’m calling it Twar Of the Tworlds. Maybe. Still if you fancy virtually getting violent then follow me on Twitter and I’ll be doing the rules at about 8.50pm BST, with kick off (your face) at 9pm.

That’s all for today. I’ve got important things to fill my afternoon with such as work on my Edinburgh show and prepare the cellar as a bunker for when the aliens attack.