Despite me saying I would make yesterday’s blog brief due to having to write my Edinburgh show, I spent the rest of the day not writing my Edinburgh show. Well ok, I probably spent about 5 minutes with pen actually on pad making some scribbles, about 4 hours staring into space with a facial expression that would not have gone amiss on a lobotomy subject, two hours eating cake with my nan and 45 minutes shouting at Saturday’s Doctor Who episode which I finally watched and was a huge pile of shit. More on that below. So ultimately I am 5 minutes further than I was when I did my show in Glasgow at the beginning of March. This is not very hopeful. Today must be spent cramming joke writing in every spare second, apart from those spent saying ‘aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh’ out loud, walking in circles and wondering if the ash cloud will shroud tonight’s venue so I can just avoid doing it. I like the word shroud. I’m not sure I’ve ever really used it before. I like to think it means a very quite cloud. It doesn’t. Stupid bloody Edinburgh shows. Yeah I’ve got an idea, yeah I want to go to the festival with that idea, no I can’t be arsed to write another hour. I’m seriously contemplating just doing jazz hands for 30 minutes before climbing out of the window and running away. To be fair, I think that’d be fully worth the £3 it costs to watch the previews tonight. So once again, let me skimp on proper bloggery and fire the bullet points of babble direct through your eyes and into your brain sack. No it won’t hurt, you’ll be bored before you even realise. Blam:
– Last night I spent far too long laughing at myself for thinking of a 70s cop show starring Damien Rice and Tim Currie. I’m sorry to everyone affected. I have been trying to think of other awesome celebrity team-ups since, but have only got Joss Stone and Kate Moss – whenever Joss rolls in her beema, Moss can’t keep up. Paul Young and the band, The Free and Christina Ricci and Shane Ritchie. If you have more, then please add below. To the comments bit that is. If you get into my blog and edit it, I shall be sad, and also amazed at your computer wizardry.
– Wow, Saturday’s Doctor Who was terrible on Saturday. Despite being written by the brilliant Mark Gatiss, it appeared to be a watered down toddler’s version of the show. It may as well have been called Doctor Hey. I’m also hugely sad that the daleks are now being made by Apple. However, conversely I do look forward to the iDalek, the Dalek Nano and the Dalek Shuffle, which as rightly pointed out by my friend Rosie, sounds like the best dance ever. I suppose there had to be a crap Doctor Who episode at some point this series, otherwise the expectation of a shit episode would get too much and when it finally did happen we’d all be so angry we never watched it again. At least now, its all over and done with and I can look forward to next week. Thanks Mark Gatiss, thanks.
– I have said this many times before, but I do wonder if Snoop Dogg’s favourite cake is a Lemon Drizzle. It would make sense.
– I should be halfway around the world on a lovely holiday right now. Its not because of the ash cloud that I’m not. Its more to do with money and the fact I haven’t booked a holiday. Also it would mean I didn’t have to do my Edinburgh preview. I do however feel properly sorry for those trapped or stranded here or abroad due to its ashiness. I have been at parties where an ash tray has been split and people just hoover it up, so I can’t understand why they don’t just do that? Use a Dyson, it doesn’t even have bags. I personally hope that while the ash cloud does stop soon, that the volcano goes on just long enough to make a whole island that will be the North Atlantic’s version of Hawaii. Then we could get our own version of Lost where loads of people who were flying to Finland crash land on an island where there is an angry Scottish man who shouts at them for no real reason and they generally just get very cold. It’d be awesome.
– According to The Observer yesterday, which is a proper paper and everything, I am one of the Top 50 Twitter feeds about the arts that you should follow. Yes indeedy. I know it seems proper bonkers but they even quoted a gag I thought was rather rubbish. I still don’t yet have 2000 followers and I’d really like that so if you read this and don’t follow me on Twitter, please do, just till I get to 2000. Then you can leave again and leave me with that horrible sense of loss you only get when you had something and then its gone. Yey!
Here’s the article. And yeah, please bear in mind it also recommends Lady Gaga who is a complete dick/has a dick so they may well be very wrong about me too:
Back to the drawing board. Ok, I’ll stop drawing and write my Edinburgh show instead. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME WORK! YOU AND ALL YOUR DISTRACTIONS! Thanks. I’ll just check Twitter and get on with things. Arrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *jazz hands*.