40 Words

I’ve got to write my 40 word blurb for Edinburgh today and do poster design type things. Yeah, I’m going. What do you mean I said I wasn’t going to go? No, I still haven’t got any sponsorship or any hope of getting enough money to go. Yes I have just bowed down to peer pressure and my own selfish want to work for a month without getting paid. Anyway, 9.20 at the Caves throughout August (PLUG!). Ahem. The 40 words bit is never as hard as I think its going to be, with more work needed on which quote to choose to make me look less shit, or how on earth have I got 41 words and deciding whether or not to remove all the ‘and’ words making sure it sounds like a Beckettian stream of consciousness. Here’s some of my 40 word blurbs I won’t be using:

A hopefully funny show! But we’re not 100% as we write this as its nowhere near written and you’ll clearly spend your money on someone you’ve heard of . ‘…was first on and seemed a bit nervous’ Colin on Chortle, 2007.

Big fan of Michael McIntyre’s Roadshow? Well this act’s never been on it and probably never will but if you don’t see his show he won’t be able to eat from Sept-Dec. He’s got a beard! ‘Mostly forgettable.’ @biscuitsnail 2009.

Douieb’s difficult second show. ‘Avatar truly is something else, a wondrously-detailed visual extravaganza quite unlike anything you’ve seen before.’ – Daily Mirror* * Tiernan saw Avatar recently. He may talk about it. He probably wont.

Its only words, and words are all I have to make this show come true. Tiernan has a mid life crisis and doesn’t make it to August as he’s bought a Porsche. ‘Its a nice car’ – Layla.

Don’t worry I won’t be using any of those though I really wish I could buy a Porsche. Actually that’s a lie. I’d like a mini or a 1991 Alfa Romeo Spider. More news on Edinburgh things soon. In the meantime, does anyone want to give me £7 grand? Thanks.

Some other things:

– As I was eating toast this morning, I realised I really like toast. I also don’t like champagne and everytime someone declares a ‘toast for…’ someone or something, I get annoyed when it involves champagne and not actual toast. So from now on, I think I might just bring my own toast for such occasions. I think people also secretly like toast more than champagne too and will be pleased. Some of it may even have jam on.

– Last night’s Fat Tuesday was brilliant with superawesome sets from Keith Farnan, Jarred Christmas, Joe Wilkinson and Gerry Howell. We also had a special guest appearance from the very lovely Alan Carr who said this nice thing on Twitter:


Which was very nice of him to say so. As well as the acts, I wasn’t shit despite my hangover, the man with the surname Vigilante (who long time blog readers may remember) did turn up and wasn’t a crime fighter, but did invent things for a telecom company, and there was a really scary bald creepy man who spent the whole gig staring at the backstage bit where all the acts were standing instead of at the stage. Not nice.