A Couple O’ Things

Gotta do shout words at brats again today, ahem, sorry, I mean do Comedy 4 Kids, so today’s blog is gonna be pretty tiny. Fire those bullet points cos here we go:

EDINBURGH SHOW – I’ve finally started writing this and feel all a bit excited about it. Everytime I get too excited I remember that I probably can’t afford to go unless someone or some business gives me some money. This is still a shame as I reckon this show should be alright. Some words I’ve written in notes include: mugtree, Prague lady, ‘Do you believe in magic?’, infinity infinities, and ninjitsu. Make of those what you will. At the moment it feels all a bit more personal than last year, whilst also being more accessible. What that actually means is that I’ve written less of it than I’d like to and by May it’ll change completely. Either way them folks next week in Leicester will be getting something entirely new. It won’t necessarily be good, but it will be new. It’ll probably be like when someone slightly changes the flavour of your favourite fizzy drink and you get excited to try it, but ultimately it tastes even more artificial and you can’t stop burping and feeling sick. Whoop!

FALAFELS – I bloody love falafels and last night I had the best falafels I’ve ever had. I felt the need to tell you this.

FT 5TH BIRTHDAY SPECIAL – Its taken a while to feel like our charity birthday special on March 9th might be good, but suddenly, in the last week or so, it seems to have developed into being what may be the most awesomest FT ever. Yesterday I received an email from someone I was a bit tentative to email because they have been involved in most of my favourite comedy shows from the last 15 years. I can’t say who it is, but they emailed me back, said yes and then said funny things. They did also call me Tom, which was a slight let down. But overall, I’m pretty excited as they now join several other brilliant lovely comedians who are doing the bill. Now all I need is to not be a gibbering fool when I actually meet them.

COURTNEY LOVE – Last night, seeing her on Jonathan Ross, screaming down the mic like a drunken harpy from hell who’d been swallowing glass, I once again felt it sad that Kurt Cobain didn’t have a massive twitch that caused his arm to move suddenly as he’d pulled the trigger, shooting her in the face.

DREAMS – I’ve explained before that I think dreams are bollocks and I’m not going to read into this at all. I’ll merely tell you my dream last night because it was actually entertaining. I dreampt that me, Layla and her friend Helen were in deepest darkest Wales, and I was doing a show with Cheryl Cole. She was headlining but got very nervous so I gave her confidence tips. She appreciated this and hired me as her confidence coach. Layla didn’t mind, but then got annoyed that Cheryl kept calling her April. Oh and her stand-up was shite. But she did smell very nice. See? Dreams mean fuck all.

CORRESPONDANCE – Sometimes, on rare occasion people comment on this blog. I like this. I like getting comments as it proves someone is actually reading this bullshit. My blog from February the 10th received a comment that I’d like to respond to. Here it is:

Anonymous said…
My brother-in-law has a girlfriend called Layla. I’m wondering if it is the same girl …?

Dear Anonymous, of course it is the same girl. Don’t you realise that there is only one Layla in the entire world and we have to share her between us? What kind of idiot are you to not know that?*

* please note, if your brother in law is called Tiernan Douieb, and your sister is called Layla, then you are an idiot, and write things in a very strange way. Saying that, I know all of Layla’s brothers and they can all write properly, so I can only assume you are a bigger idiot. Thanks for your comments though! Much appreciated.

Right, that’s all. I have no new material for the kids today, so I might just see how many I can set fire to before someone gets upset. I reckon 6 if I’m carefully selective.