Good Moaning

WARNING: This blog is all a bit moany. I apologise about this as I like to think of my blog as a hit of whimsy to start my day, but while some very good things happened yesterday, I feel they would make this blog a lot less exciting than to talk about the couple of rubbish things. I’ll give you the good things first in a reverse of the whole bad news, good news thing. I prefer good news first, as it softens the bad news blow. Actually I just prefer good news, then not to hear the bad news and live in a deluded state for weeks. I don’t do this, but maybe I should. I might start just watching the news for the ‘hilarious’ or whimsical item at the end. It will mean that suddenly whilst others are discussing earthquakes and wars, all I will know about is the dog that can play football or something like that. I will be naive, but probably much happier. I will also expect a lot more sports potential from animals.

Good things from yesterday (and a little bit from this morning):

Komedia was superb last night. I know its not for an act to judge an audience, but they really were bloody brilliant. If you were in the crowd last night then please give yourself a big round of applause. It was a lot of fun, with much credit going to the young soldier in the front row who was heading back to Cyprus today. He was very much up for being ribbed and as his girlfriend was a hairdresser I was able to milk the ‘Shaving Private Ryan’ joke for some time. I’ve said it before but I do truly think the Komedia is one of the best gigs in the country. Good food, very well run, great crowds. My only issue is I often forget all the staff’s names and have to spend the entire night avoiding calling them by first names and just using the terms ‘mate’ or other generic stuff. Last night was so good that that managed to work and I remembered the two people’s names I needed too. Excellent sets too from Simon Evans, Dan Evans and John Fothergil.

Other good bit was that this morning I have booked for me and Layla to go and see Andy Nyman and Jeremy Dyson’s Ghost Stories at the Lyric Hammersmith in March. I’m so very excited about this and yet also so very petrified. I’m a big wuss when it comes to scary stuff, having been permanently scarred by Ghost Watch and I still get momentary fear flashbacks from seeing the Witching Hour in Edinburgh a few years ago. During the latter there was a point where I screamed like a girl and then jumped into my friend Ali’s lap. I’m taking Layla with me to Ghost Stories not just because it’ll be a nice night out, but more because I will need to grip her arm so tightly I cut off the blood flow and help clear up after my bowels give in through fright.

Thats the good things. Not very interesting for anyone was it? No, not really. Well in which case, here’s the bad stuff, but first something merely mediocre to start you off:

Mediocre thing: I saw the one with no characteristics from Girls Aloud open the New Look store on Oxford Street yesterday. I wasn’t intentionally there, but whilst walking along Oxford Street to the tube, I was suddenly blocked by a large amount of people taking pics on their camera phones and whooping, to the extent where I was forced in the road to walk round them and nearly got hit by a bus. Being ever nosey I tried to see what was going on and it was the Girls Aloud member that isnt racist, dead looking, Irish or a massive slapper. Her speech about the store just involved saying ‘great’ and ‘shoes’ a lot, much like a scratched record, or perhaps her earpiece was faulty and the instructions weren’t getting through. Anyway, the idiots seemed pleased with this, the police seemed annoyed and I didn’t like nearly getting hit by a bus.

Not good things: I’ll be honest these aren’t that bad. First thing was that I found out a gig I did last year at a rather big club received the notes ‘not very good, wait at least 8 months before booking him again’. This made me rather sad as whilst I am fully happy to admit when I’ve died on my arse or had a shit time, I had really enjoyed that gig. It was a quiet, half full audience and the first act (who’s now very well known) didn’t have a great gig at all. When I went on I had quite a lot of fun and they let me overrun because it was going well. So to then find out that one person didn’t like it and that means I can’t play there again for ages, is a tad disheartening. See? Moan moan moan. There are certain gigs I’ve always struggled to get into and whilst some of them I’m quite happy to not bother with, others it feels like no matter what I do, the club owners or bookers just don’t like me. This I suppose is the very nature of comedy. Hence why I prefer nurture.

The other not good thing and actually not good thing is that I did the stupid thing of googling myself last night before I went to bed and found an entire article in a local newspaper that had taken quotes from my blog as though I’d had an interview with them. The quotes were all about a gig in a rival town and how I hadn’t enjoyed it. I won’t post the link as I don’t want it getting any more publicity than it already has but the ‘reporter’ (I have put quotation marks in to annoy all those people that put ‘comedian’ when trying to be mean. Its a wonderfully petty tactic) had made it look like I had enjoyed being vitriolic to him and now consequently I’m rather worried that the gig in question will be upset by this. The journalist had no right to take my blog comments in such a way and I’ve no gone back and removed part of the blog in question. I always assume that my blog is only read by people who want to read it and therefore I can freely spout whatever I like in the knowledge that most people accept it as general and often exaggerated ramblings. But instead over the last few years I’ve had large amounts of abuse from Orlando Bloom fans (who were upset at a comment I made about him during the Edinburgh Festival 2008), seriously nasty abuse from people’s who’s night I ruined by not connecting with their friend’s fist as he tried to hit me, someone who remembered a bad gig from 2007 and decided I needed to know he still hated me, and now this. I think that from now on I’ll have to very careful what I mention on this blog. Instead I’ll save all the juicy stuff for my Edinburgh show where I can publicly slag these people off. Hee hee hee.

To finish, this is my new favourite track of the moment. Very pleased Massive Attack are back to their awesome best. Its also a Saturday so it feels somewhat appropriate: