Busyness Time

Tonight I have, through mishap and stupidity, managed to not get three possible different gigs. Some due to cancellation, others due to me not thinking that the others may be cancelled. I’m a complete fool. Aha but who is the fool? The fool with the cancelled gigs or the fool who is really looking forward to a night off? Its the poor fool that doesn’t benefit from either of these. Oh. Oh well. Still I’m really looking forward to a night off. This afternoon shall have Comedy 4 Kids mayhem, whereby I shall completely wing it as I have no new material for them and then I’m off for drinks at a friends flat warming. You hear that? That’s the sound of a dying social life coughing up its last embers trying to reinstate itself.

This last week and a half, my life has gone from being the sort of waster that could take part in a competition for wasting only I wouldn’t get there as I’d be too embedded on the sofa to leave, to suddenly becoming the sort of person who has to schedule in breathing into the diary or it just wouldn’t happen. Once again, loving the busy, but bloody hate being busy. Yesterday appeared not to be busy at first glance and then, out of nowhere, things to do appeared like a very organised apparition. The sort of ghost who died in a filing cabinet. All the things were fun though. I had a casting, where, much like the usual schtick, I walked in, they glanced at me, made the decision there and then if I had the job, but still insisted on making me pull a series of faces until it felt like my cheeks had been kneaded by George Foreman. What I would prefer in the future is just to be told to piss off and not bother before they go through the ritual of making me feel like a chump on camera. Then I realised, maybe if you get the job straight away, they don’t make you go through any of that and its their way of ‘punishing’ people who look wrong? I’m sure I will never know.

Then it was a journey to Stamford, a place that looks not dissimilar to a the contents of a snowglobe, for a gig that was really really great. Dull huh? 250 people, sold out, in a beautiful room, where every gag worked. Yawn, I hear you cry. Don’t cry. But you are right. It dawned on me recently that I have read several autobiographies of several celebrities (Alec Guinness, Marlon Brando etc not Katie fucking Price or anyone like that) and everytime I get to the bit where things start going well I get bored and put the book down. We don’t like that here. So out of respect for you, I’ll stop talking about last night’s gig now. If nice stuff continues to happen, I will either start making bad things up to keep you interested, just put up pictures of animals trapped in barbed wore or something similarly upsetting, or just quit writing altogether. Promise.

That’s really it at the mo. The only other anomaly thats worth noting is that I’ve started drinking tomato juice. I’m not sure why and I’m fairly sure I hate it but I keep drinking it. I am putting this down to getting older and my tastebuds just completely deteriorating. Its why a couple of years ago I started enjoying blue cheese and can now occasionally drink ale without retching. I’m fine with this where it is, but I don’t want it to continue down that path. I can see myself in a few years time eating capers from the jar and just sucking on lemons. I don’t want these things. I often wonder if thats what happened to those performers that eat swords or the man who eat bicycles and light bulbs. I’m prepared to go past capers if I can eventually start knawing on someone’s car.

Quick self-promotion type things:

There’s new stuff on my website. Have a look! Also if you are Midlands based or in the Scotlands, then please check out the links on the front page to my shows in Leicester and Glasgow Comedy Festivals. It shall be much fun.


Secondly, for I will keep plugging this, please come along to this tomorrow. Thanks: