Snot Fair

I’m full of snot. I don’t know where its all come from but I have suspicions that someone has built a snot factory within my head and is churning out more than the usual production rate. I’m not really sure why they would do this. Snot has little value in today’s climate. In fact, snot has little value in any climate. Its a shame really as I could be making quite a bit of dosh right now if it was. I don’t like being snotty. I don’t feel remotely ill or man/woman/swine/bird fluey. I just have lots of snot. There are some suspicions that I have caught whatever Layla had, only my immune system is clearly able to deal with nearly all of it. It must be hard to deal with snot. If you punch it, it gets stuck to your hand. If you set fire to it you burn your nose. If you eat it, you’re disgusting. There was a boy at my primary school called Humphrey who spent all day eating his own snot. He had a constantly running nose throughout the year and so there was always a stream for him to indulge in. On certain days he wouldn’t even have to use the aid of his fingers as it was like a waterfall of green snackery straight into his gob. How we, as mean 5 year olds, used to mock his nasty ways. Thing is, if there was ever a famine or food shortage in the world, Humphrey would have been completely able to sustain himself while we all starved. Sad, but true.

I could do without all this today, as its the first Fat Tuesday back tonight. I’m really looking forward to it, but need to discipline myself to write some things for the regulars that are in the crowd. Luckily its not heaps of work as I scribbled a few things for my gig last night that was sadly cancelled. I say sadly but it meant I got some fresh air before getting to come home again, see Layla and eat macaroni cheese. Macaroni cheese is undoubtedly one of the best dishes known to humankind. I can never work out exactly what makes it so brilliant. Its definitely partly down to the cheese, this is obvious. But the macaroni. Well its just pasta isn’t it? Just because its tiny pasta should not make it taste any better. I’m fairly sure its a psychological thing. The Derren Brown of Italian cuisine if you will. We assume that its minuscule tubage makes it better than its older brother penne, who’s size of hole in the middle means there is more air and less pasta. It just confirms the old adage that all good things come in small packages. With the exception of cars, and other brilliant big things. There is a wealth of innuendo that could follow this statement but I will leave it to you to work out.

Tonight will be great, with the rather excellent line-up of Andrew Maxwell, Nick Doody and Chris Ramsey. In fact I reckon the whole night will be just over par, mostly because that’s a bogey. Must go blow my nose.

There are still some tickets for tonight’s awesomeness right here: