Edinburgh Day 14

One day to go until my day off and I’m feeling back on form. My duties today involve my show, followed by getting sworn at for 10 seconds at Seymour Mace’s show and then going out and drinking until my eyes bleed. Please note: eye bleeding result is optional. I’ve often used the term ‘drink until my eyes bleed’, but constantly point out to myself that were such an incident to occur I would probably be a bit sad, disturbed and in hospital. Going through other options I don’t particularly want to ‘drink till my leg falls off’, ‘drink till I break my face’ or even mildly ‘drink until I fall over’. Any of these could damage the rest of my week/life and so I need to be a tad more careful. I think I will just go for ‘drink until my liver is a bit damaged and lose the ability to retain memories resulting in me doing something a little bit silly’. The venue for drinking will be Silent Disco, a night that has become a yearly ritual at Edinburgh. I have to go at least once during the run as I revel in its headphone based, inhibitionless madness. Last year was monumental with my highlight being when Andrew Maxwell and Danny (my flatmate from Ginger and Black) did a country and western jig while I was listening to drum and bass. The year before’s highlight was me and my brother dancing to the Prodigy while my friend Ali did the Riverdance. If you haven’t been, you’re an idiot. Simple as.

Yesterday was pretty damn good. The T came back. I’m not sure where he went, but I found him again, we had a chat and he played the room like room hustler. Some lovely banter was had, all the jokes worked and I strutted out of the room like a cat who was wearing a fancy jacket and pipe and was off to get some cream. I’m hoping today is of similar standards. After that I had a lovey 10 min spot at Lemoncustard Comedy. I had to follow Carey Marx which is never an easy feat, especially as he did his top ten list of things you shouldn’t say at a gig, which stormed the room. Luckily I had a lovely set too and as Carey had to dash off I handed out both our flyers at the end. I had a bit of a struggle doing this, as I only have two hands and a complete lack of co-ordination. Luckily a very nice man offered to hand out some flyers for me, and he didn’t want paying or nothing. I completely relied on the kindness of strangers. I was tempted to do a Liz Taylor impression but felt it would have been inappropriate. And his girlfriend may have got jealous. Its moments like that though that prove there are nice people around. It went against everything I know about Saturdays and Saturdays at the festival in particular. Take that stag-dos!

I saw Kitson’s play last night too. The Indeterminable Suicide of Gregory Church is proper Kitson. Moving, thoughtful and yet hilarious. So cleverly written, I still haven’t stopped thinking about it since I left. I think that, and his Regents Park shows, may be why the stand-up show wasn’t finished. I’d prefer him to do less and the less to be like that play. Quality not quantity Mr K. Really pleased I saw it and although me and Layla cringed a bit everytime he said ‘genuinely’ (it appears to be his new favourite word) it made me feel happy for the rest of the night.

No more for you today. I have to make a veggie sausage sandwich. Not only will it have veggie sausages in it, but also these veggie bacon bits I’ve found in Tesco’s, garnished with English mustard and tomatoes. Oh yeah I don’t mess about. I’m like the most carnivorous veggie there is. Faux-carni that should be my middle name. It would make my parents look odd though. Although I suppose they can’t look any more odd after calling me Tiernan. I have just read that sentence back to me and said out aloud ‘fair point’. I think the day off is needed.