All Play and No Work Whatsoever

I’m having a day off today. Thats the best thing about being your own boss. I didn’t have to ask for holiday, or call myself up awkwardly and pretend to be ill. I just had to make sure that no one booked me for a gig and that I didn’t gain any money I might need. Ultimately, I didn’t choose to have today off, but as it’s happened I’m going to enjoy it. So far I done nothing that will be benefit anyone or be productive in any way. My day has consisted of eating some weetabix with the rest of the condensed milk on them, which was completely detrimental to my diabetes. Then I watched This Morning which was mostly about incestual rape. Rather sad stuff, but made me feel much better about my life as I have the correct amount of fingers on each hand. Then I got the post and it didn’t include my Fringe program so I shouted a bit at no one in particular. However it did contain a cheque, so I retracted the shouting a bit. So far, so good. In a while I am going to go back and sit on the sofa, although I am worried that by sitting on it I am being productive in making the sofa feel wanted. Its almost as though I just can’t help being useful in some way.

I sort of had a day off yesterday. I didn’t mean to, and I was all geared up for work, but none happened. Its kind of frustrating when that happens. It must be how prostitutes feel when someone pays them just to have a chat. It started with my morning of racing to our workshop for the Sketch Show for Kids we were going to be doing in Edinburgh. I made an effort to get there on time due to the lack of tubes, and didn’t write my blog properly, and eat my breakfast slightly too fast so that my stomach made me do those burps that taste like the last thing you ate for about two hours after. Luckily I had weetabix again so it was just like extra courses, which was nice. I managed to bunk my fair on the tube which I felt gets my own back for them being shit, and then raced to Lauren’s house in Gospel Oak. Oddly ‘surprise cockface’ did not appear on my wi-fi like last time and I knew something about yesterday was not good. As it goes, we decided we are not doing the show in Edinburgh, which is not that bad. It means I can sleep in more for the month and can focus more on my show. Instead of rehearsing we all went and eat food. I like that swap of work for food. Its like the kid you would con at school by getting all his hologram Panini stickers by drawing a moustache on a football player he didn’t have and telling him it was a rare sticker. It felt to me like we had taken the ethos of ‘work hard, play hard’ and punched it in its etho-face by not doing either and just eating.

Walking home on a full veggie breakfast, which is never fun, I set about working on my preview for that night’s show with Andrew Maxwell. I started doing some work, then I eat half a Cadbury’s Flake, felt all drunk on food and had a sit down. This sit down lasted till I went to my gig, which was not good as any changes I was meant to make to my show, had not been made at all. However, once again, the Gods of Laziness rewarded my lack of efforts and sent only three people to the show, meaning it had to be cancelled. It was a shame really, but we were against all the odds. By that I mean the tube strike and the England game, not that we had to fight people that were slightly kooky. If that’d been the case we would’ve won. I’m brilliant at making kooky people feel awkward. Even unprepared I was all geared up for another run through, but I suppose it was for the best that it didn’t happen. Especially as Maxwell wasn’t remotely prepared either. It was a bigger shame for James (the man who does all my websiteness) who had travelled in from Hertfordshire and the others in the crowd. Much like with chaos and order, if there are Gods that help those who make a special effort for them, there would also be Gods that really loved lethargy and sorted out those that can’t be fucked. I like to believe that my further choice of abandoning the preview and going out drinking instead had appeased them even further and its only a matter of time before they give me super powers. It would be super powers reflective of their godliness, like the ability to not get out of bed. Perhaps thats what’s happened to people with serious bed ridden illnesses?

Drinking did ensue, as we all headed to Kirsty’s Poptastic Singalong at Viva Viva in Crouch End. If you are in the North London area on a Wednesday I highly recommend going along. Kirsty is an amazing musician and singer and managed last night to make some god awful 80’s tracks actually sound brilliant. Then she encouraged everyone to sing along to them and they sounded terrible again. Lots of comics were there and it was a lot of fun. Combined with it being Lady Carol’s birthday meant that as well as booze and singsongness there was cake as well. That completed my day of eating food that will cause a premature death. Me 1, heart and cholesterol 0.

I have already written too much and now feel like this is work. Not good. To balance it out I might just fall onto the floor as I try to get off my chair. This will be such a dramatic lack of effort it should counter things. Thank god we have carpet or I would hurt my knees. Here I go….byeeeeeeee……….. *smack*