Nothin’ Doin’

I’m refusing to leave the house today unless something incredibly exciting comes up. Donned in PJs, armed with Xbox, various DVD’s to catch up on (Modern Family disc 1 courtesy of Chris Cox, Mysterious Cities of Gold entire season, new Robin Hood film that I’m not that fussed about but will happen if I run out of options), two books, a load of new CDS to listen to, a lot of tea and a desire to stay as close to my bed as possible, today shall be the day the lazy man reigns. Saying that, reigning stuff can take some effort so I’m ok if someone else wants to reign and I’ll just recline and watch. My gig tonight has been cancelled, all work I have to do is quite ok to take a back seat, or infact sit in the boot, until tomorrow. So, henceforth until the 13th November I can avoid all responsibility of any sort. With great power comes great responsibility and I can honestly say I have no power whatsoever today so I’m happy discarding all of the stuff that comes with it too.

I will probably feel guilty about doing nothing all day at some point though. Its almost impossible for me to reside in complete slobbery without at some point knowing I should be working. There’s various elements of today’s news I want to write about and add to my set. For example the oddity that is Andrew Lansley’s decision to appoint high up officials of Unilever, McDonalds and PepsiCo to help write the new health legislations. Right ok. What’s next? Asking Nick Griffin to help on Immigration policies? I mean what a stupid decision. I assume its not only to help huge private businesses rather than the people, but also to get future voters onside by providing big macs at school dinners. Well more fool the government as all those kids will be dead before 18. Also thanks to today’s Guardian I’ve been reading a lot about the Northern Lights and have very much decided I want to go, and soonish. I think a trip to the Arctic may be due in Jan/Feb. I’m slightly worried about going by myself incase I’m eaten by a polar bear or something similar, but I’m also excited by the prospect of dressing up like an Inuit and traversing the icy lakes to see crazy sky colours. I also must find a trip that involves somehow finding a Golden Compass and gaining a daemon whilst I’m there. Essentially what’s happened is today’s papers have influenced me far too much.

Playing the ‘justifying my laziness’ game I reckon I can get away with the fact that it took over 3 hours 45 mins to drive to Chichester last night, accompanied by top passenger Brett Vincent. He gained his ‘top passenger’ status over several incidents, but my favourite being when during slow moving traffic, he jumped out of my slowly moving car, pelted it to a shop and returned with chocolate whilst the car was still in motion. That is a skill that only some can master. Look what happened to Brian Harvey. Exactly. We sped through wind, rain and idiot learner drivers to get to the Chichester theatre, where on arrival I had about 15 mins to calm down before following Jo Caulfield’s storming set to perform to 900 people. Luckily, it was an amazing gig, with a lovely crowd. I did mostly oldish material, with the odd new gag and local reference (there is a nearby place called Cocking. It had to be done), took a bow, then 3 mins later drove me and Brett all the way home. In itself, that sort of mad driving should have earned me a day off. Top that with the fact that I usually perform to that many people over two days, and I feel it’s probably ok. This was all then followed by late night drinks in Camden which oddly resulted in stroking Ian Lamb’s florescent socks. Sometimes I do wonder what sort of life I lead.

So does all that mean I can chill? Probably not really. And as much as I’ll try to sit still I’m sure it’ll only be a few hours before I call people to see if they’re out and about, end up back outside in the shit weather and putting off all my DVD viewings for a time that never comes. I was always the kid that would ruin ‘Sleeping Lions’ at parties by getting up and running around as soon as we started as I couldn’t care for sitting or lying still. It appears some things never change.

In Addendum: I recorded Tom Craine’s penultimate radio show with him this week. We talk about many things including Danny’s shit game. It is a shit game. We demonstrate on air for proof. Have a listen via iPlayer here:

THE TOM CRAINE RADIO SHOW – NOVEMBER 14TH

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