Unconsciously Conscious

Have you ever gone to sleep then dreamed about trying to sleep but not being able to, only to wake up to find you have slept and your brain was just being facetious? I awoke this morning to be completely surprised by the fact I had woken up. Shocked that, as I was !00% certain I was already awake and trying desperately to sleep, I suddenly awoke surprised by the world. I don’t like starting the day on this level of uncertainty about whether or not I am conscious. I’m sure some people embrace it. There are hordes of television presenters that glide through their autocues as though they’ve never really woken up from anything. I however, am not a fan. How do I know now, for example, that I am definitely awake and writing this, or if this is just a dream again and therefore I am wasting an awful lot of words now, that I could be saving for later. (See my theories on Word Limits HERE) Worse than that, I could be totally comfortable in believing I am powering through my Wednesday only to trip over a penguin in a tank while looking up at the sky to see it filled with fish and then wake up properly and be disappointed my dream imagination only kicked in at the end.

If I am awake – and I’m fairly sure I am – then I do also worry that my non-sleep dream is a sign that my unconscious can’t be bothered anymore. I used to enjoy all my dreams being properly bonkers. Involving dragons, zombies, me having hands made of bread and so on. Now what if I’m condemned to waking up having dreamed about drinking tea or sitting down only to feel bored before my day has even started? Maybe I need to start eating tons of cheese before bed as some sort of stimulus. I did wonder though, and this could be a very valid point, if its because yesterday I had a nap. I don’t usually have naps, but a combination of a lot of exercise in the morning and trying to find ways not to write my Edinburgh show, resulted in my drifting off for a good 45 minutes at 3pm. I try to avoid such things as usually I will wake up feeling like I’ve wasted 45 minutes of my day that I could have spent aimlessly staring at my Edinburgh show notes and not actually doing anything. But yesterday, I woke up with a renewed vigor for looking at my Edinburgh show notes and not writing anything. It made me think that all those hot countries that have a siesta really do have a point. If only I could sleep away my procrastination guilt like that on a daily basis. On the other hand, maybe that’s where I used up all my sleep points for the day and consequently have woken up today, or not.

I need to find out soon as today is the day of the improvised play. Ooh I’m a poet and don’t know it. I’ve harped on about it lots this week, but if you’re on Twitter then do follow @SEPlayRadio to find out the URL to listen to it from 1pm. I have no idea what will happen. My fear is that we’ll absolutely nail it, then I’ll actually wake up to find out I’ve overslept and missed it all.

On a last note: Fat Tuesday yesterday had two excellent previews from Loretta Maine (aka Pippa Evans) and Jack Whitehall, both of whom will be well worth seeing at the Edinburgh Fringe.

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