Right, I’ve voted. That means I can have the rest of the day off right? Well there’s little else I can do to change the country save from start a new gunpowder plot. I’m not a fan of that. Mostly because gunpowder is a bit old school now, and I’m fairly sure I’d explode myself before I’d even made it out of the gunpowder shop. Do you even get gunpowder shops? Hmm, this may be even more difficult than I thought. Glad I voted, can’t be arsed with all that sort of effort. If you haven’t voted just remember that lots of people have fought to have the vote so if you don’t want yours then maybe you should pop it in an envelope and send it to someone in the 3rd world who could use it properly. If you’re a woman and don’t vote then you are making Emmeline Pankhurst spin in her grave. Saying that, Loose Women already exists so she’s probably been rotating like a perpetual motion desk toy for some time. If you have voted, why not, like me, take the rest of the day off? I mean, surely now we’ve had our say in the way the entire country is run, we should all just have a pint? The hard work is done, we can now leave it to whoever wins to ruin, sorry, run the country while we all complain for another few years.
Except I can’t take the day off. I have to do my solo show tonight and despite all my gripes yesterday, I still spent the entire time staring at blank bits of paper. I stared at them so long I begin to amuse myself by pretending they were pictures of a polar bear with its eyes closed in a snowstorm. Then the bear kept its eyes closed and eat a snow leopard who also had its eyes closed and so couldn’t see him coming. That polar bear is wiley and clearly his blindfolded ninja training has come in handy. Sadly, he doesn’t help with my show whatsoever. In fact the more I imagined him cycling on a white unicycle still in the snowstorm, still with his eyes closed, the less I wrote. Don’t get me wrong, I have a structure. Thing is, structures aren’t funny. Well, except for that hotel that is in the shape of a dog in the US. That’s pretty damn funny. My structure isn’t as good as that. Mine, so far, is a bit like a bungalow but with a large inflatable giraffe on top of it. You’ll walk past, smirk, then wonder why on earth anyone would do that and isn’t it all in fact just a bit sad?
So I’m going to head to Brighton early, sit somewhere nice and write all day. That’s the plan. Then the second part of the plan is if I get to my gig and I haven’t got anything we’ll all just light a campfire and tell stories. Sure its inside a building, but I think they’ll understand. If you are in Brighton, don’t want to hear election stuff all night long (I will talk about it a bit, but not loads) and instead fancy a laugh (at me, not with me) then please come along. Its on tomorrow as well, where I will have written more than today. Or not. Link to the FB event is here. I promise I’ll stop plugging this after tomorrow and write a proper blog again.
Oh yeah and don’t forget to vote for change, although I couldn’t see Mr Change anywhere on the ballot papers. My next blog will be under a new government. Literally if I manage to get this gunpowder plot sorted….