Packing It In

Ha! I bet by the title you thought I was giving up comedy, eh? I bet some of you were crying and screaming about how first its Lily Allen and then the mighty Douieb. You were probably thinking how that this is the end for comedy forever and just about to give up on your own lives. Well don’t fear. Its merely about me packing to go away. You lot that were cheering and shouting ‘Finally he’s fucking off!’ please now stop and go away.

Packing bags is so bloody boring. I know I need things for going away but having to put them all together is just dull. Its all the little bits I have to do like iron t-shirts. I would be very content not ironing them but I have been told by Layla that they all need an iron and it’s her words of wisdom that often stop me looking like a massive prat. It’s that ironing is one of the most tedious things you can do, alongside watching paint dry and talking to someone who I was once introduced to as ‘Boring Steve’. Even if, like me, you spend time pressing the little button on the iron so it blows steam out and pretend its a tiny dragon that you have to master control of to do your bidding, it starts to wear after five minutes. Hopefully fashion will work its way round to creased clothes being seriously cool. Knowing my luck by that point I will have an entire wardrobe of crease free things. I have to pack because today begins 13 days of straight gigging. That means gigging in a row as opposed to heterosexual gigging. I’m not even sure what that would mean. Well whatever it is, its just gigging night after night for 13 days. Thats what I mean. Its one of those things where by being busy I am earning money so can’t complain about not being busy. However I like staying at home and sitting so its a lose/lose situation. I mean, its not. There is definitely some winning in there, but I tend to forget the phrase can be win/win or even win/lose as either of those two options seem far too cheery and I’m having none of it.

The gigs start tonight at one of my favouritest ones in Leeds at the Original Oak. Generally I really like gigging in Leeds. I would say I like Leeds but I’ve never really seen it except at night, which adds it to the long list of places I can only judge by its comedy gigs that I have partaken in. On that basis I like most of the UK and dislike Ilkeston. I feel like I really should learn more about Leeds as my only Leeds based gag is about its ring road, which is exactly the same gag that I use for Coventry, Tunbridge Wells and anywhere else where the road designers were a bunch of bastards. I also have a slightly cheap gag about the Merrion Centre, but having never been there it feels half hearted. Maybe I will just spend the next few days telling people I know nothing of their area so local knowledge is defunct as far as I’m concerned. Then maybe I’ll tell them all about where I live in London just to make them happy. They love that up North. Then I’ll tell them its all grim where they live and how they all speak funny and I reckon I’ll tear the roof off.

Shame I’ll be missing Question Time tonight. I quite wanted to watch Prick Griffin squirm as he’s asked questions and he has to try not to be hugely racist live on TV. I think we should all call him Prick Griffin, just so that whenever anyone searches for him on Google it will say ‘Nick Griffin. Did you mean Prick Griffin?’ Let’s do it people. I’m fairly sure his appearance on Question Time won’t help the BNP’s popularity at all. Have you heard him talk? He’s a fat racist dickhead who on previous occasions has said things like ‘The ultimate aim for me and for the BNP still remains an all-white Britain.’ I hope someone challenges that statement by asking him that as it snowed across the UK in February, maybe now he can fuck off. I also hope someone questions him on ‘mass alien immigration’ and asks him whether he believes in little green men. If people wind him up enough its only a matter of time before he shouts that all black people should die, or something as ludicrous and then he’ll get properly lynched as he leaves the studios. My only worry is that we do have people who willingly watch mind numbing shit such as Loose Women or Big Brother, its possible some of them may find him charming. Lets keep those anti-racist fingers crossed it doesn’t happen.

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