Nothing Doin’

Don’t have a lot to type about today. This is because I really haven’t done anything that could be seen in anyway as contribuiting to society. Unless it was discovered that the sun’s rays were too strong to be absorbed by the Earth and that people were needed to directly soak them up. In which case me, and especially a small band around my stomach have done very well in planet saving. I’m starting to get tanned, which means for a walking ghost like me, I’m actually starting to get the skin tone of a normal healthy person. I say skin tone, what I mean is vast amounts of freckles that give me the appearance of having tropical measles until the rash spreads too much, they all link freckly hands and suddenly conjoin into a tan. This is the case all over except for a) my white bits obviously and b) the small band around my stomach which is very red. Its not for lack of sun cream as I know that every year the same bit gets burnt and so I lather on sun cream like I’m trying to give myself a whole new layer of creamy skin. Yet still it burns. I think this is because of its geographical location on the underside of my well established gut, it rarely sees the sunshine. Then of course when it does, it gets all a bit shocked and burns rapidly, completely underprepared for the heat. I also don’t think it helps that my gut is made up primarily of beer. As we all know alcohol burns easier than most substances. To be fair, the amount of beer that is in my tum should mean the whole lot just evoporates, which would be preferable.

The only other way I could be contributing to society is if the world was overrun with paella and a vast quantity needed to be eaten to stop sufficient paella flooding. In that instance I feel I would be handed a medal for my valient efforts, eating two large bowls last night before admitting defeat. Paella was the only veggie item on the menu last night and so without moaning about lack of choice, took up the mantle, only to be brought a wokful of ricey goodness. I love paella. I like it because of how it tastes and that its probably good for you. But I like it more because the first bit of its name sounds like ‘pie’ and everyone loves pie. Next step is to one day make a paella pie. I think that may be the day I die of rapid stomach expansion.

60 pages from the end of World War Z and I’m now truly paranoid that its a possible occurance. Last night we walked back from the restaurant via the beach and without telling anyone I was imagining what might happen if hundreds of them all rose from the sea. I looked around for suitable weapons and hiding places. Sadly I found none and realised I’d just be fodder for the undead. Damn our unideal location for a zombie attack. I feel like Layla’s family really havent chosen their holiday destination well. Sun, sand, sea and relaxation is all good, but when zombies attack, a small base in Antartica would be better. I will tell them for next time.

Today we brave the sea. Fingers crossed for no sea bound undead, sharks, whales, giant squid or other people’s floaters. The last one is the only one I’m really not sure how to deal with.

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