Death of the Jacko

So Michael Jackson’s dead then. People are saying its a bit like when Diana died, everyone remembering where they were when it happened, and a nation in mourning and all that. When Diana died I was on holiday with my family in the States. We had been traveling around and were currently staying in New Mexico. New Mexico is not like a newer version of Mexico. They tried in several places to put Mexican restaurants and pretend ‘villa’ type building, but it is essentially just a nice US State. Its very similar in the way that New York is little to nothing like a new version of York. I think it should have been part of the pre-requisite that every area named as a new version of another area should look just like the old one but with better TV’s and flashier lifts. I remember seeing on the news that she had had a car crash, then we all made a massive error of judgement and went to see Air Force One. Really that film did not deserve a cinema outing. There was a very attractive girl at the cinema and she sat about three seats away from me, where we spent the duration of the film giving each other awkward flirty glances like two 15 year olds that have no idea how to communicate. After the film I went over to talk to her, and we started getting on fairly well until my parents yelled that they were going and to hurry up. Being 15 I had no access to a car or any clue how to get back to the hotel, so I had to go, each of us giving a longing look of an opportunity that never happened. Or rather two horny 15 year olds who had very little social skills. Once we were in the car we heard on the news Di had died and couldn’t care less so changed the station to something that was playing 70s rock, which pleased my dad to no end. The next two weeks of the holiday were plagued with Americans asking us if we were sad our ‘Princess had died’. My parents got very tired with saying ‘ its sad that anyone dies but we weren’t big fans of the royalty’ and instead after a while just said ‘no, go away’.

Its not like that, cos I was at home in my PJs watching it on the news. I spent most of last night Twittering gags about him as did a lot of the comedy community. Some of them, especially Richard Herring, seemed to suffer complaints of too soon. Now I’m all for respecting the dead but Jacko was a truly loony man in his later days and surrounded by child abuse allegations and his really odd face, he’s going to be a high source of material for comedians. Thats our job and its what we do. Don’t get me wrong, if he had died when I was 7 years old I would have been devastated. Its probably slightly ironic that he touched me more as a child, but at that time as far as I was concerned, he was a legend. I would gather all my family into the living room to watch me ‘Michael Jackson’ dance for hours at a time, my parents and Nan showing incredible levels of tolerance. I would listen to Thriller and Bad on repeat, and showing a complete lack of filmic taste, I watched Moonwalker upwards of 200 times. But then I got older, his music got worse and that was that. Me and my friend Omar had tickets to see him when we were 16, but sold them to someone at school (who never to this day has paid us for them) so we could go out clubbing instead. Girls vs weird plastic man. Girls won, much as later in life they seemed to do at every possible occasion. Then years later people said he was a paedophile and as far as I was concerned I could no longer be a fan of a child abuser. Its an odd one. He was clearly a brilliant man in terms of music and dance but an oddball in all other aspects. Either way I didn’t have a ticket to see him at the O2, which makes me slightly less fussed. RIP MJ. Well done for being a bit awesome in the 80s, and ta for the Thriller album. However I mostly feel sorry for Farrah Fawcett whose death has been completely overshadowed. Its not dissimilar to what happened to Mother Theresa when Diana selfishly died in the same week.

I have to go to the Isle of Wight tonight. Last time I went there, myself and Mitch Benn had a rather awkward evening as three ladies spent the whole show talking all the way through. When we criticised them for it, they burst into tears and said their friend had just died. This made everything pretty awkward from then on and neither of us had a very nice gig. Why you would go to a comedy show just after your friend had died I don’t know. Even if you thought it was a good idea, talking all the way through the show is bound to make you a target for the acts. I hope that doesn’t happen again. Go forbid the Jacksons are in the crowd. It could get all a bit weird. Will have to debate whether or not to tell all my new MJ jokes or if its a bit too soon. Saying that, they probably don’t know yet at the Isle of Wight. They only get the news via the once a week news boat and I have a feeling that doesn’t arrive till Monday.

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