Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche

I’ve had a lot of quiche in the last few days. According to my friend Mat, real men don’t eat quiche. I disagree with this bold statement but I do feel that in order to verify my manliness while eating quiche I have to eat a rather large man-size portion of the stuff. Consequently I have woken up this morning feeling a tad sick and far too full of quiche. What appears to have happened is that I have eaten too much quiche for my stomach to handle while completely vanquishing my virility with such large amounts of said quiche. You cant win. Unless you don’t eat quiche. Or are a women who does. 

The quiche yesterday preceded going to see Stomp at the Ambassadors Theatre last night. This was not willingly (seeing Stomp willingly is one of Carl Donnelly’s 3 reasons someone is a c*nt) but because my brother bought everyone tickets for Christmas. Now if I want to hear someone making noises by hitting a bin, I can get that for free by walking around my area at about 2am. Its not particularly musical when they do it, and its not so much hitting as falling into or shagging on the bins, but its similar in a way. Despite this, the show was actually pretty good and funny in places. It was a bit too long – there is only so much junk seven people can hit – but everyone seemed to enjoy it. 
What wasn’t fun was the tall man’s head in the seat in front of me. This seems to be a common occurrence in my life that people with excessively large heads or extremely tall people like to ruin every theatre show, cinema screening and music gig that I go to. The first ten minutes of Radiohead in Victoria Park last year was ruined by two 6’5″ers walking along deciding to stand right in front of me and talk all the way through the first two songs as though they wanted to ruin my day on purpose. I felt so unbelievably angry about it and if they hadn’t been considerably bigger than me, I would have said something. 
I don’t understand why there can’t be some kind of height grading at these events. Why should it be that just because I am more hobbity in stature than most that I have to relate great music to the sight of the back of some gimp’s head? All I suggest is shortest people go at the front, with heights increasing as you head to the back. Extremely tall people might get miffed that they are 3 miles from the stage but at 6’8″ you can see from there so deal with it. Its not heightist, its just allowing people to work with their natural abilities. I’m all for putting short people things on small shelves so we can grab them easier, and tall people things on high shelves. Maybe they do that already and tall people still read porn mags? Maybe they do because they are too tall to use the internet? These are mysteries I will never know. Perhaps I will just have to ask Greg Davies…

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