Happy Birthday To Me

I am older today. Getting older is a novelty that seems to wear off after being about 21. In reality, as soon as you turn 11 your body starts dying and shedding cells so its only really a happy birthday till you turn 11, then its just a countdown. I learnt that in science GCSE so it must be true. I’ve also learnt that if you put that in an eleven year old’s birthday card they get very upset. 

Its only a short blog today because I don’t like to work much on my birthday. I haven’t really worked much all week though so I’ve actually more work already today than I have done all week which sort of ruins the point. Anyway, all todays blog will be is a small list of things that I’d like to achieve this year if possible, although if I don’t I’m not really fussed. If you can make any of these happen then please let me know. 
1) I’d like to take a tiger for a walk in a park while other people are walking their dogs. Then my tiger could eat their dogs. 
2) I’d like to parachute into a party. The party must a) be pretty damn good, and b) have a large landing patch as I’ve never skydived before and I’m bound to screw it up if I have to land on a table. 
3) Use a T-Detonator on a building. Not in a terrorist way, just in the way you used to see them do on TV shows where they blow up a chimney stack. 
4) Do a solo show at the Edinburgh festival. This depends on a) money, b) me writing a show, and c) the whole festival not collapsing due to its extortionate rates and the credit crunch. 
5) Go on holiday. This depends on a) whether I do the Edinburgh festival and b) if I can afford to leave the country due to the extortionate exchange rates and the credit crunch. 
6) Win the lottery without ever buying a ticket. The odds are so ludicrous I’m sure this is possible. You’ll see. 
7) Grow a foot taller. Then when I am 29 I will shrink a foot again. After this I will have the insight to know how tall people think and using that I will destroy them. 
Das ist alles. I am now to going to dwell in 28ness. 

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