I filled in my age on something today. I say something, what I mean is ‘a shitty competition that I entered’. I hesitated to clarify the exactness of the ‘something’ for two main reasons. One is that I haven’t been blogging much lately and I am pretending this is because I just don’t have time. I don’t. I really honestly don’t. Things are a bit mental and aside from not having many musings of any note – honestly my life is boring admin and staying indoors. I’m sure no one cares about my foibles about why the coriander plant I bought was dead in just 3 days or that my gmail inbox is overfull. These two aren’t related I should. The coriander plant didn’t die in protest at my overuse of gmail memory. I hope. – I also don’t have time to muse. Wow I love the word muse. Say it again. Go on. Yeah ace huh? Now rhyme it with news. Fun. For everyone. See, I totally have time. But I’m saying I haven’t and instead filling the time I should be blogging by rhyming the word muse and entering competitions to win a soda stream because along with a Tory government, a recession and some truly shit music, I feel I should help embrace this dive back to the 80’s with open arms. I’m willpower minutes away from a mullet and leg warmers.

So yes, I filled in my age and its the first time since Monday, which was my birthday, that I’ve had to do it. 31. I am now 31. Its such a nothing age 31. For a start it looks boring. Sideways it looks like a bum about to sit on a thorny branch. Not fun. Generally though, in ages, its could just as easily glide past without any notice as happen. There’s not really another big one now till 40 which is when you stop celebrating birthdays and only invite people to get drunk with you so you can all feel miserable about how shit you feel on a day to day basis and hopefully lose some memory so you can feel more comfortable with your meaningless and ever harder existence. So 31 for me is just another notch on the age post and another terrifying reminder that life is still battling my desire to grow up.

I never read Gunter Grass’s The Tin Drum despite my friend Luke banging on about it (yes, the pun was intentional) on an almost regular basis until I borrowed and subsequently stole his copy, only for it to sit on my shelf wishing it would either be read or released back into the wild with its brothers and sisters. However I did always love the idea and after reading about 12 pages I garnered enough information to be jealous of the idea of this tiny boy who never ever grew older than a child. I wouldn’t like that as such, but I’d have been very happy if someone had said I could have stayed at 25 for many many years then just die. There are huge flaws to that ideal. For example, I’d be the weirdest of granddads. Aside from that, it’d be amazing.

I think my problem is that despite physically ageing – and I am. Noticeable by hairs in very odd places, unnecessary aches and my constant want to sit down – my brain hasn’t changed a bit. My Nana, now at the grand old age of 86, said to me once that she still had the mind of a 21 year old but her body was letting her down. Now I fully sympathise. My birthday compromised of L getting me lovely presents including a Radiohead remixes CD and a graphic novel, taking me for a huge lunch, then to see a Manga exhibition at the British Museum (Japanese Art, not a male Lady Gaga impersonator) and finally for a meal where the tables were computers and she beat me twice at Battleships despite knowing it was my birthday and obviously ignoring the rules. I spent ages wondering if you could leave porn as the table’s backdrop then run away and make them sad. All in all, the sort of birthday I would have enjoyed about ten years ago, and will still enjoy in ten years time. Then we had to run for a bus and I nearly died. At 40 I will just give up and wait for the next bus, knowing full well I actually would die if I ran. Also knowing full well that due to my stupid career, at 40 I still won’t be able to afford a cab home in January.


I will still be blogging this year. It may just be a tad infrequent due to workload and the fact that I am getting more boring and don’t wish to tell you about it. There is also soon to be a new blog on the Huffington Post website so I’ll post many things about that soonish.