Tongue Biting Stuff

My blog today is a bit of a chore. I skived out of yesterday’s so feel as though some typing must happen, but I have a small list of things that need to be done today and this is very much keeping me from list completion. If anything, I am purely a victim of my own doing. I suspect that were today’s blog not to happen it mostly go by unnoticed by the general population, but it is under my own duress that words should be rapped out over the internet or else I will spend the whole day feeling like I’ve forgotten something. This is an odd sensation considering I am not forced to write this blog. The world will not end if this blog stops. My fingers will not fall off and my brain cease to be if I stop relaying my thoughts (if they can be conceived as thoughts and not just mental diarrhea) and adventures (if they can be called adventures. I suspect ‘meanderings’ or ‘things that are slightly more interesting than boring, but not much’ would be more apt) to the internet. By internet I mean one person that really has nothing else to do. That’s you that is. Sorry about that. I’d like to believe you have many other things to do but my blog is so integral to your day that you stop all else to read it, but I know in reality the only time I ever read anyone else’s blogs is when I’m trying my best to do some work myself and hugely failing. Saying that, my blog is the bestest. I hope you read that last sentence as tongue in cheek. Its easy to read things tongue in cheek. Saying them like that though is hugely difficult due to the inability to make most pronunciations whilst your fleshy taste receptacle is firmly lodged in your mouth’s side pockets.

What I’m saying is…well, I have no idea, and once again this blog, much like the blogs of days gone by, has no point to it whatsoever. I’ve been busy is all. I’m sorry, I’ve had words to type elsewhere, actual people to meet – y’know, not just ones on Twitter – and gigs to do in the real world. I feel somewhat I’ve been neglecting the cyber peeps and I fear that come the Matrix or all this ‘cyber crime’ that the government are predicting, that I’ll no longer be able to disguise myself as one of the enemy and escape unscathed. I do often muse that perhaps were such things to happen that my constant adding of virtual friends on Facebook or ability to speak in just 140 characters would enable me superb double agent status. Of course the reality is, I’d be destroyed on site while the true geeks shout at each other in binary, rejoicing in the day that the geeks have inherited the earth.

* I should point out after earlier chattings on tongue in cheek issues, I have, mid blog, managed to bite both my own tongue and lip in a double mouth disabling effort. It was in attempt to get as much veggie sausage roll into my mouth as possible while not actually removing my hands from the keyboard. It appears that not only did I not eat any of my intended edible item, but consumption without use of hands only persuades self cannibalism. Duh to me. *

Anyway, so yeah, I’ve been busy. This blog is just one long excuse for not having anything to tell you. I mean, I do. I have loads, but I can’t tell you all of it, and some of it is as inane and Seann Walsh getting very excited that he’s finally pinpointed who I look like, and its the clock from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. He was worried I would be upset by this, but I think its actually good. At least clock’s have faces. Not only that, but I am always on time, and it increases my chances of getting a role in Disney’s On Ice productions. Not that I want to be involved in such things, but I’m fairly sure everyone has an inkling to get in a big cartoon suit and do a figure 8 on an unreasonably cold surface. No? No? No. Ok. I also met a real Tory yesterday and despite my constant attempts to try and see good in everyone (or at least, that’s what I pretend I do. In fact, I much prefer the American courts view of ‘guilty until proven innocent’ as it means you are often more pleasantly surprised. If you go in with the view someone is nice and they are not, its pretty disappointing. However if you assume someone’s a proper bellend and they are only mildly irritating, its far more tolerable) he was a prick. A smarmy prick who kept apologising for his very nice not smug friend who was asking me if I’d do a gig at LSE for their Labour group. He had nothing to apologise for, apart from his own beliefs in elitist privatisation and bumming the poor till they die. He didn’t say that of course, but I got the impression that’s what he thought. Not that he’d bum them himself of course. He’d probably pay someone to do it, then make them redundant before the job was done and force extra workload on someone who was already struggling whilst still cutting their salary by 27%. Grr. I cant help but worry that any attempt there to be remotely activist was hugely ruined by my constant use of the term ‘bumming’.

Aside from that, some exciting things that I may inform you of if they don’t dissipate before fruition like most exciting things appear to have a tendency to do in this industry. Oh and yesterday in the BBC foyer I saw the dude that plays Merlin. He had to queue up at the desk just like I did which made me think the perks of being a master of magic aren’t quite what they used to be. If anything he just looked annoyed and tired. Which, oddly, made him look more wizened. BOOM! WIZARD/WIZENED. YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? No? No? No. Oh.

* During this last section I managed to bite my own lip again. This time, even more embarrassingly, it was while eating a yoghurt, a food substance that requires no bitey bitey action at all. I am beginning to wonder if my own teeth are rebelling against me. If I managed to devour myself, will I be the same but inside out? So many important questions, so little time. *

So that’s me. And that’s you. And now we’re all up to date with stuff. Tomorrow’s blog will be similarly ridiculous/brief/boring/damaged/words/argh/eye soreish (delete as appropriate) due to some heavy four hours of driving to the North East, and before that some demonstrationalism. If you wish to come to that by the way, and I hope you do, it is all here:

Hopefully see you there. I’ll be the one with a clock face.