I keep having both too many things to blog about this week and at the same time, I don’t really have a lot to say about any of them. So much in keeping with things today shall be mostly about many things but also not much about nothing. It will be the Henry’s Cat of blogs. Except that he knew everything about nothing but not too much about that, whereas this blog, being a non-sentient being, knows even less about nothing than a fictional yellow cat. Somewhere along the way of typing that I’ve confused myself. Anyway, there will be some controversy in today’s blog and also some stuff you probably won’t remotely react to as its just inane. Strap in. It won’t be bumpy, but safety first and all that, and just because you are an adult doesn’t mean I’m not responsible for your welfare. Put the seatbelt on. No, not just over your shoulder. No you can’t smoke out of the window. A wee stop? Already? Jesus, just get out of the car. You’re walking.
– NAKED SPOTS
Everyone, whereever they live, knows the specific places in their household where you can get away with walking around naked. Don’t lie. You clearly all do. In my old flat, everywhere was safe except the short gap between the bedroom door and the far side of the bedroom, due to it facing the street, and therefore post shower would require a flurry of speed akin to the Flash, in more ways than one. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of these people who wants to parade around his manor with nothing but a pair of boots and a shotgun, but its sheer knowledge of such things that helps you avoid awkward situations. Like this morning. In my parents house I keep forgetting that their bathroom window is not frosted. Nor is the blind always down. So, as a consequence I think I nearly made someone fall off the roof opposite in abject shock as I was about to get down to wash time. Similarly, I’m fairly sure our next door neighbour has now seen far too much of my arse as she did her gardening and I hadn’t worked out the window viewpoint angles while getting dressed. Oddly she appears to be in her garden even more since that day and around the same vantage point. I am slightly worried by this. Yet flattered. All these places in houses need to have a little sign or security notice just so that won’t happen. Or I suppose I could just stop wandering round in my birthday suit unnecessarily. Or buy a shotgun and boots and embrace it.
Now, before I even begin to type this, I do not by any means think what Derrick Bird did in Cumbria was in any way right. No, killing 12 people on a gun rampage was pretty bloody wrong. However, and I take a deep breath as I write this, when Jack Bauer did a similar thing in the last few episodes of 24, everyone thought it was awesome. Yeah Jack was fighting for justice and revenge and against a corrupt government, but Bird was apparently angry at being screwed over by the tax system and had been treated badly by his old employer. It wasn’t right, but if they don’t make a TV movie of it starring Keifer Sutherland they are missing a trick. That’s all I’m saying. I’m also saying that I know a lot of people that would like to kill until the tax system sorts itself out. I also found it funny how everyone said that ‘he was such a nice man’ following all the cliches. I feel that if he had been a horrible gun toting bastard all his life, he probably would have been caught before it had all happened. Here follows several comments of hate. Fire away people. Sorry, poor choice of words.
– BLACK EYED PEAS
My favourite ever music review appeared in the Guardian last Saturday. Its the one about the Black Eyed Peas here:
I fully agree. Will.I.Am is the worst person in history. Yesterday a homeless man tried to sell me a Big Issue. I was totally going to get one, till I saw the Black Eyed Peas were on the front. He managed to persuade me so I just gave him the money and swiftly binned the mag. Why do I hate them?
Well for a start they used to make decent tracks like this:
See? That’s not that bad is it? Then they got that vacuous carcass of skin Fergie on board and suddenly all their music became the same track with slightly different words, terrible samples and Prick.He.Is using a vocoder at every opportunity. Why sound like that all the time? There is a reason Stephen Hawking isn’t a pop star! Ok. There are several reasons he isn’t a popstar, including the fact that he’s an incredible scientist, but that’s not the point. I also hate Will.I.Am because he’s now supposedly going out with Cheryl Cole, and its been made very clear that now I’m single, I’m meant to be going out with Cheryl Cole. Will, you best get ready as I will fight for that love. Or not.
– CYBERNETIC DIABETIC
I won’t write about this too much today as there will be time for more on this matter in a few weeks, but yesterday I got approved to get a diabetic insulin pump. It means I never have to inject again and it acts like a tiny bionic pancreas. Its hella in the future and has a blood test kit that blue tooth’s the results to the machine so it can give me the appropriate insulin. I’m very excited, though it will probably completely change my life. However I am prepared for that as long as I can become Robobetic and be like the Six Million Dollar man if his only weakness was very sugary drinks.