Pajama Activity

I’m having an odd day today. It mostly started with being woken up at a silly hour for the second time in a row by the sound of someone chainsawing a tree. They appear to only want to chainsaw a tree between 8am and 9am and at no other time and I can’t figure out why. Are there optimum tree trimming times? Maybe its a tree surgery and that’s the only times you can get an emergency appointment? Or more likely, they just know that by using the loudest piece of bark chopping equipment possible at that time, it will irritate the hell out of me and ruin my sleep pattern somewhat hugely. I needed those two extra hours of sleep too. Not least because I woke up halfway through a cool dream where I’d gone back to uni to do a creative writing class, and started writing about a moose that was lost in the jungles of Borneo. Then as I was writing I noticed I was in my pajamas. Typical ‘panic’ dream most would say. Except that, after realising I was in my pajamas, I stood up, told the whole class my pajamas were hella cool and then high fived everyone. Then I was woken up by chainsawing. I can only assume I missed out on some awesome pajama activity and possibly crowd surfing because of stupid wood killer man. Or woman. I couldn’t see them.

I also needed sleep because once again last night I got drunk on milkshake by having a mega peanut butter and banana maltshake of the kind that was so thick buildings could be made from it. It would be pointless making buildings from it as people wouldn’t be able to live in the buildings for too long as they’d either eat them, or be crushed under milk sludge whenever it rained/got too hot/ had any kind of weather condition. I would still look into buying one though. I think whoever invented milkshakes is someone who deserves a knighthood, a sainthood, a robin hood and a Boyz ‘N’ The Hood. Its easily the best thing since sliced bread. Well that’s not true. Many things have been invented since sliced bread that are way better. If someone said ‘we’ll either take away your blu-ray player, or you’ll always have to slice your own bread’ then let me tear chunks of wholemeal with my bare hands for I’d keep the visual cinematic treat anyday. Not even blu-ray though, but what about the internet? Or the telephone? Or kitkats? So so many things.

I’m really not sure where this blog is going today. I think that’s partly because I know where I’m going in a minute and that’s Burnley. By myself. For four hours there and four hours back. Knowing that means I will type whatever I can here in order to delay the process of solitary driving confinement. Sometimes I think that’s how prisoners should be punished. Make them drive the length of the country and continuously get stuck in traffic. It’d make them insane. Or they’d probably just drive away and escape. Hmm. Big flaw in that plan Douieb. Hence why I’m not in charge of the British prison systems. Well that and many others reasons, like not applying to be in charge of them.

Some bits of admin before I get my drive on:

– My friend Sam takes brilliant photos and puts them up here. Today’s include a man pointing at a paper, a woman with a flamingo and some old people:


– In a few weeks myself and mind bender Chris Cox need to get to Rock Ness by Loch Ness. Me being an idiot hadn’t organised this before and so all travel to Inverness costs more than you have or I have put together. Well unless you’re rich. In which case, please get our flights. Thanks. If you’re not rich though and you know anyone a) driving from London to Rock Ness or b) from Glasgow to Rock Ness or c) who is a pilot and lets us sit on their laps all the way there till we can parachute out over the festival, then let me know. In return you will get top banter, petrol dosh and a promise that Chris won’t mess with your mind. Much.

– I’m doing an Edinburgh preview with Tom Craine in Bristol on Sunday at Mark Olver’s super super lovely gig Oppo at Channings. You should come. Details? You want details?


To Burnley or Bust! Tee hee, bust.