How exciting that Britain won the gold at the skeleton event last night in the Winter Olympics. I honestly thought I wouldn’t have cared but last night as I tuned in from my hotel room I became hooked on watching these women throw themselves headfirst down an icy chasm of death. I can’t even begin to work out how you get into that, how you practice, and more importantly, where the skill is involved. I’m assuming it all starts with a misplaced skateboard at the top of some stairs and when it comes down to it, it’s all how aerodynamic/slippy you are. Possibly. Either way Amy Williams is the bestest skeleton, so well done and take that Skeletor.

Today’s blog is also on my iPhone, however I’ve worked out a way so that it doesn’t get erased. This doesn’t mean that I won’t get RSI in my forefinger so there will be a point where I just give up for fear of constantly pointing at this unwittingly for the rest of my life. So far Belfast has been alright. The hotel, when I finally checked in, is nice and I’m pretty much intending on staying here all day like a recluse and writing my show for tomorrow. Boring you might think, but i’ve been to Belfast loads and it’s bloody cold outside so hiding indoors is the best bet to avoid hypothermia. The only way I might leave is if someone offers me a lift to Giant’s Causeway as I’ve never been there. Although being my diminutive height I’m terrified of giants so might be best I stay away.  

I realised last night how being here makes me horribly aware of being English. I’m pretty sure no one else really cares but as I stood on stage I kept being horribly aware of using the term ‘Britain’ or doing any of my religious stuff as I couldn’t remember which was celebrated by Prods and which by Catholics, and who would care about what as I certainly don’t understand any of it. That’s Prods as in Protestants by the way, not the pokey/pushy action that I will be good at when I finish typing this due to my RSI finger of doom. It was only a third full, audience wise, last night and tonight is sold out so will try and be a bit more ballsy. Prepare for news reports of a man doing a home made skeleton over the Belfast quays in order to escape a rampaging horde.