Im an Idiot

I’m a massive idiot. This statement is proved by today. Today is not going to be a good day. In fact, far from it. It will probably be quite shit. Its all my fault though so I will have to lie face down in the shit and embrace it. The reason for it excrement like qualities is that I’m gigging in Aberystwyth tonight. That’s not the bad bit. Far from it, actually, as the gig is lovely. Proper brilliant gig. What I’ve gone and done is made the executive decision to drive there and back today. Stupid stupid idiot. Thats about 10 hours in my car. 10 whole stupid hours. Almost half a day cramped in our tiny Polo, driving from London to the ends of the earth. I didn’t need to drive it. I could have got the train, but because I have meetings in London tomorrow I thought it’d be best to get back tonight. The meetings didn’t need to be tomorrow. I could have moved them, but I didn’t. Essentially I was given all the options to make my life easier and I decided it would be more fun to really screw myself up. If there was ever a time to have multiple personalities, it would be now, just so I could shout at myself.

The only way I can make this bearable is by setting up enough things to keep this journey interesting. I’ve got a hoard of podcasts to get through, that should help for some of it. I’ve also got my dictaphone, which means I will pretend to try and write my entire new show. I’ve got the first preview of it at the end of the month in Leicester and so far, I have written about three words. I could say those three words really slowly, or just over and over again, but I have a feeling this may make the audience (all three of them) fairly annoyed. So in fear of this, I may just talk into the dictaphone for 5 hours, only to then get home and realise its all just me saying things while highly distracted by Welsh roads covered in animals and people and other things that like walking in front of cars. Wales is still the only place where once driving on the hills near Narbeth, an hour journey took over 2 and half due to sheep interference. By that, I mean sheep on the roads, not people interfering with sheep.

Not sure what else to take apart from some provisions. You can’t really take any good books, or board games when its just you in the car. Its days like this I hugely envy Michael Knight. If he ever had to drive to Aberystwyth then he could have just told KITT what to do and fallen asleep in the back. KITT would’ve made some hilarious camp comment about it all and then put the turbo boosts on and done the whole journey in an hour. Only downside is that Michael would have been a shit compere. Swings and roundabouts I guess. Oh god, writing this is making me even more angry with myself. I have to go fix the back light on the car. I’m tempted to not bother just to land myself in more trouble or danger. It feels like I deserve it. Maybe I’ll go puncture my tyre too. Take that Douieb you dick. Sigh.