Kids Say The Funniest Things And Then I Steal Those Things

Gotta go teach kids stand-up again today, which once again will involve me being all a bit sleepy while I get asked if I ‘eat poo’ or ‘ wash my face in scrambled egg’ or any other number of seemingly insane questions. I quite enjoy this bit as it just provides me with easy material for my normal gigs because those kids do say the funniest things. Ultimately I am being paid to steal material from the mouths of babes. That’s babes in the original sense, as opposed to stealing material from really hot ladies. Again that’s hot as in sexy, not just a bit sweaty. What I should do, were I a lovely and just human bean, is give all the kids 50p for giving me such interesting material to talk about, but I’m not, so they can sod off. Mwhahahahahahaha!

Its the last Comedy 4 Kids before Christmas today and worryingly I have no new material or any jokes about Christmas. I will have to wing it. I’m quite good at winging it at nighttime when I can use the swears instead of actual words, but at 1pm in the afternoon, after having been shouted at all morning, I can’t help but worry I’ll just use the swears instead of actual words. I’ve tried to write Christmas stuff but its pretty boring. The problem is, apart from telling them all Santa doesn’t exist, I’m not really sure how to make it interesting and making a whole room of kids cry isnt the point of Comedy 4 Kids. Which is a shame as it would make the gig so much easier. I often wonder if I should set up a Trauma 4 Kids gig, which would just involve a slide show of horrible injuries and dead animals, followed by smashing the idea of the tooth fairy and telling them their parents have sex. I reckon it’ll be a hit. Who’s with me?

Nothing much else to report today as I must rush off to speak to rugrats, so instead here’s some shameless promotion:

In Stoke Newington this weekend? Why not go to this? One of our Fat Tuesday regulars, Sanna, is exhibiting some of her work and it looks ace. I shall be going later today so should you:

Then on Dec 30th I’m now doing this which is hella exciting so you should all come to that too:

And on Jan 8th of course its this:

And there are still some tickets left for Fat Tuesday on Tuesday even though on of our special guests often mocks people’s weeks:

Tomorrow I will write more things and promote no things. Today’s lesson children shall be about George Carlin’s 7 Dirty Words…..