My friend Mat texted me in distress two nights ago as he had ordered his food shopping online, only for it to be delivered to his door by someone who used to go to our school. That’s a hugely awkward situation. I have similarly had the same person deliver food to my house, but luckily the man in question did not recognise me as I didn’t have a beard till way past my school days, and it has since become a disguise against awkward conversation with people I haven’t seen in 10 + years. I don’t know how Mat dealt with it, other than frantic texting to explain how much it had disturbed him, but the correct way would have been to sit back after and have a harshly smug grin at the fact that it was neither of us that had delivered the shopping to him. Now this may seem like a rather snobby view, but in my defence, I fully appreciate the role of the shopping delivery person as they prevent me from having to go shopping and then allow for my full laziness. I know someone that used to work in that field and now has a much better job doing computery type things. But if I, at the age of 28, was still knocking on people’s doors that I used to go to school with and explaining subserviently how ‘we’ve run out of potatoes so we’ve swapped them with some scourers instead, I hope that’s ok’, I would seriously question my life. Admittedly, perhaps I should question my life that sometimes I get my home shopping delivered in the first place. My life is not busy enough that I have no time to go, and I clearly don’t get enough exercise, so perhaps we are both in a bad place. No wait, neither me or Mat have to wear a t-shirt that says ‘Every Little Helps’, so we win. Everyone must remember that the entire point of school is so that many years later you are able to judge yourself against your peers.
Some people on Twitter got upset last night because they thought I was tweeting while I was driving. I wasn’t. I don’t do that as its dangerous. Even though I am very good at texting and tweeting while driving. But I don’t. Even though if anyone ever should be allowed, it should be me. It didn’t help that I had previously tweeted that I’d done various things on my journey home including taking my jacket off and doing my insulin while on the motorway. I realise both of these are wrong but I was a) very hot and b) needed to do my injection but didn’t want to stop. I did both of these very well as well so none of you need worry. The rest of the time I spent teaching myself to do an impression of Alan Carr and then Daniel Kitson, both of which I am now proud, singing along to songs I don’t know, just to irritate myself, and seeing how long I could drive for knowing I needed to pee but not going till it was absolutely necessary. 130 miles is the answer. My bladder now hates me.
I love the Muppets and if you don’t you’re a dick. FACT. I was very pleased when Messer James Hingley sent me this yesterday:
I highly recommend you watch the Habana video on their youtube channel too. I do hope this means a return to Muppet form and some new Muppet films. Muppets From Space was very good though nothing will ever beat the frog/bear confusion in Muppets Take Manhattan.
I now have 3 nights off. Not intentionally, but all because gigs have been cancelled which is not good. I should be chasing up gigs but instead I plan to chill today, go to London Zoo with Layla tomorrow (under the pretence that I am a teacher checking the place out for a school trip. Ha! I’m so not a teacher), and then spend a lot of time remembering my Edinburgh show for this on Monday:
Do come along as it will be the penultimate time I do this show. The final ever ever time will be January 8th at the Etcetera Theatre at 7.30pm. I will relentlessly annoy you all when tickets for that go on sale.
Sarah Millican and Silky are two of the nicest people in the comedy world. FACT.
To pronounce Llangollen I have to make a noise with my throat that I only usually ever use to scare away other cats from our garden. I can only assume that there are many cats in Llangollen that feel wrongly neglected.