Edinburgh Day 3

Its the eve of my first show today. Technically I don’t have to do anything until tomorrow but I’ve already filled the day with bits and bobs to alleviate possible boredom. ‘Boredom?’ you say, ‘surely you should be working on your show?’ you also say. Well, you say a lot and I say, you’re probably right. Instead I’m going to do a bit of show working followed meeting all the flyering crew at 2pm. I’ve briefly met them all before on Monday and they seem really nice. Very young, enthusiastic and friendly. All these qualities I expect to have disappeared after a month’s worth of shamelessly whoring other people’s shows. Yes, even age. The Royal Mile has the ability to suck life force out of a human bean like an energy vacuum. The enthusiasm will probably last maybe a week, maybe more before it dies along with the friendliness after some ‘hilarious’ bastard puts their flyer in the bin in front of them one too many times. I can’t say I envy them. Thats because I don’t. So I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I mean, occasionally I do say things I don’t mean, but they are often twinged with award winning perfect sarcasm, which I find is somehow lost in text. One day they will invent a smiley for sarcasm. Although I often suspect the normal smiley is sarcastic, we just can’t hear the high pitched patronising ‘hmm?’ its making. I’m so pleased I’m not flyering this year. It was probably the main thing that broke me last year and the year before. Flyering everyday in the rain, wondering if punters would so much as care for a soggy bit of shameless promotion. They never did. They never did. Sob sob. So what I’m saying is, I’m going to be bloody to our flyerers to help them through the storm. Literal storm that is. Oddly the weather has actually been rather nice. Little bit of rain, but thats to be expected. But sunshine too. I’d like to say I brought the weather with me but that is both assuming I have godly control over the weather systems and that the weather is as hot as Spain which its not.

Feel generally prepared for tomorrow. I had my tech rehearsal at 3pm. Knowing that Paul couldn’t make it along until 4pm I told our techinician, the awesomely named Dan Huq (which I said sounded like a kung fu move) to go get a coffee till 4. I then swanned around meeting the new box office and press people before heading to my venue room. With no one around I was planning to work on my show a bit. And I did. For about ten minutes. Then I worked out how the CD player worked, put on some tunes and tried old breakdancing moves on the stage for 30 minutes until I got overly tired and hurt my left leg. I did actually used to do breakdancing classes during my last year of uni. At my peak I knew a couple of freezes, could do a spinning hand stand, and very nearly windmill. I wasn’t great, but I was better than you. Unless you know breakdancing, then I’m worse than you. But if you don’t, then I was better. The issue is that since then, I have drunk a lot of beer, eaten a lot of food and generally been a lazy get. Suddenly holding up my body weight became a lot harder than it used to be and my muscles in general did not like being thrown around a wooden floor, often letting me cause damage to them. Hence why it is probably called ‘breakdancing’. Still every now and then I see an empty floor and music and feel the urge to ruin my day by hurting something in the name of hip hop. I bet the Rocksteady Crew are just applauding my efforts as we speak. When I say applauding, I mean ignoring. Or setting up a hate campaign. Luckily the tech itself only lasted about 20 minutes. The mic worked, the lights were on, and the CD player worked. I love doing just stand-up.

Also went to see Superclumps’ run through at the GRV Studio, which was really rather good. Some lovely sketches in particular about the 60’s, banter and the Famous Five. It was also my first 2009 festival experience of a room thats so hot I thought I might pass out. This will probably happen again and again throughout the fringe so I’m pleased I am already strengthening towards paying attention in a sauna. By the end of August you could stick me in the bottom of a volcano watching a four hour ballet and I will be able to recite every step back to you before mopping my brow. After Superclump followed chilli, and feeding myself and the others on a hella big bowl of spicy goodness, I introduced Danny and Eri to the oddities of the Fish Heads song and the films of Don Hertzfeldt. Youtube entertains the masses. Despite the fact that everything is on youtube (FACT) I couldnt find a video of chopped liver moving because its near a glass of milk. I’m sure I saw this once and was spouting off about how its true, but youtube let me down. Is it a conspiracy people shouldnt know about? Help me out here people. Liver does move near milk right? Its why cows will always be safe if chopped liver started attacking places. I really hope I’m not wrong or it will just cement my fears that I can’t distinguish between reality and when I daydream. Not that there’s much between the two, to be fair. My life is filled with oddities and my daydreams are rather bland.

Watching Kisok of Champions and Ginger and Black today, as well as attending any number of launch parties. I am aiming to be sensible what with my first show tomorrow. Lets hope my aiming on this is better than my aiming with knife throwing ie fingers crossed people don’t die.