Taxing Issues

Not a lot to say today. Between doing my taxes and entering numbers in my phone by brain has become a dulled mass of numbers and graph paper. I often wonder if thats how accountants see all the time. Similar to what Neo sees in the Matrix only a far less excting version where all the Agent Smith’s just tell you you havent filled in form section 11a correctly and you have to redo the whole thing. Irritating oversights like that would be made a lot better with some serious kung-fu action but I can’t see it happening. It must take a really strong mind to be an accountant. I often joke about their depressing lives if I end up bantering with one while on stage, but they have better will power than me. After two days of data entry I want to kill myself and anyone who ever says a number ever. The Pointer Sisters ‘The Pinball Song’ could send me into a rage. Accountants look at numbers all day everyday and don’t go insane. Thats properly tough. Or so braindead it doesn’t affect them. Definitely one or the other.

So that was my day yesterday and will be my day today. I haven’t even been outside in the glorious weather. Just indoors, turning grey like a morlock of tax, hidden away from all vitamin c and gaining rickets so I can easily waddle down the tiny underground tunnels where I will eventually live. The only thing that has kept me sane is all the apps I have just got for my iPhone. Its like a whole new world of distraction out there. No one told me that I could download things that would let my demonstrate what happens to a man when he gets thrown downstairs, or if I had a pet and that pet fought other pets. Admittedly my cats do fight other pets, but not with swords. Maybe I should train them, although they have no opposable thumbs so holding the sword could be tricky. Last night, I spent a hefty amount of time playing Pacman Lite, which is a healthy version of Pacman with less saturated fats. You wouldn’t tell as it played as good as Pacman Full Fat. I find it amazing that despite all advances in technology Pacman is still a great game. I think its because its pretty bloody simple. A big yellow face eats peas and ghosts. I still wish I could have been in the board meeting where someone proposed that idea.

Game Designer – ‘ So he’s a big yellow face…’
Board Exec – ‘Yeah’
GD – ‘And he eats peas and ghosts.’
Board Exec – ‘And?’
GD – ‘And occasionally cherries appear.’
Board Exec – ‘ And?’
GD – ‘ Thats it, and in a few years time we’ll release exactly the same game but he will have a bow in his hair and we’ll call him Mrs. Pacman.’
Board Exec – ‘How can she be a Mrs and a Pacman’?’
GD – Well she’s not, she’s a …’
Board Exec – ‘You’re just making this up on the spot aren’t you?’
Game Designer – ‘Quick he’s cottoned on, someone chloroform him, NOW’.

Thats probably how it went. Or probably not.

That’s all my brain can muster today before it starts giving me shit ideas like ‘wonder if Jeremy Paxman got forced to eat peas and ghosts at school because his surname sounds like Pacman but not quite and maybe thats why he gets all angry on telly sometimes.’ But I wont subject you to that. Instead I will hobble back to my mind damaging tax stuff and keep this brief like a pair of pants. In the meantime, this is simply my favourite blog to read at the moment. It is constantly lovely in a dark and mean way, which is what I like. Like a teddy bear with a big axe. Enjoy and hopefully my brain will work again tomorrow: