Seuss Abuse

Its Dr Seuss’s 105th birthday today. In his memory I am considering going to my gig tonight by foot or by cow or even by bike. Or even by Zike bike if I like. I don’t like. A Zike bike is stupid. I think that while the thought was there its just going to have to be by car. If you live your life in honor of Seuss I think everything will only be a bit more fun for a while then you will suddenly see how limited and unbearable your life would be. I have gained far too many scratches from trying to put a hat on our cat, and I don’t even want to think anymore about the time I tried to get that fox in our garden and stick socks on him. The RSPCA were very displeased when they received calls saying there was a squealing fox with one sock on its head halfway in a box. 

It is proven that Seuss help children learn to read and rhyme, with additional books helping with numbers and the alphabet, but there are several titles that now just sound a bit wrong. Hop On Pop? There’s a Wocket in my Pocket? There was that whole unreleased book called ‘Chicks with Dicks’ and that hidden and hushed up secret verse in Green Eggs and Ham that goes: 
I do not want it in my mouth
I do not want it further South
Do not slap it in my hand
Do not touch me, Sam I am! 
Actually I think it says more about me that I spent time writing that. Dr Seuss wasn’t corrupt at all and just ace. I’m sure after typing such evil things I will have no fun trying to get into Solla Sollew. And I would deserve it too. 
It took far too long to get home yesterday. Layla’s sister-in-law set us packing after having stuffed us with a meal of pancakes and other great grub. It was the sort of meal that was truly brilliant, but not if you are about to sit in a car for four hours. We spent the whole journey having to wake each other up due to food induced sleepiness. There was a token coffee stop at Watford Gap. I wanted to show Layla the grumpy coffee man, but it is clear he only works at night. During the day he is replaced by a fat Irish lady who is excessively happy. They are the ying and yang of Costa. Despite her happiness she was extremely slow at serving and with each beaming smile she gave the customers, they returned a rather harsh grimace at having to wait so long. Oddly, grumpy man makes people happier. I think this is a message about obnoxious British service. Perhaps we don’t want manners, we just want coffee and fast. 
Bristol University tonight. I wonder if there will be a fight, with a knight. A knight called Stew, who plays the kazoo and goes moo. Ok I’ll stop now. Sorry.