Problem Children

I’ve got Comedy 4 Kids to do today. I finally reached a point with Comedy 4 Kids gigs a year ago when they no longer phased me. I had my full repertoire of ‘bum’, ‘wee’ and ‘fart’ gags all ready to make small people laugh. But, and this is a big but (thats not a joke for later btw) I haven’t done a kids gig in about 3 months and none of my normal material will work. This could go all horribly wrong today. I don’t think I’ll swear. Its quite hard to look a child in the eyes and called them a ‘fuckhead’, although I often see scary mums swear at their kids in the supermarket, so it must be possible. Working on that basis, we should definitely be allowed to swear at Comedy 4 Kids as they probably know it all already. Maybe at the gigs with slightly older ones we can do sex gags now too, with 13 year olds becoming dads. Maybe that is my calling to revolutionise kids comedy by swearing, and talking about drugs, and sex and possibly occasionally punching them. Or perhaps I will just do my old gags and not get arrested. 

Fat Tuesday went well last night despite the lack of tickets sold up front. We went to internet bookings to soothe one aspect of my gig running paranoia, but while that has mostly worked, occasionally it doesn’t work at all and I get all stressed. We only had a handful of bookings yesterday, but then rather a lot of door sales. While I usually abhor lazy stroll ups, last night changed my mind and I welcomed them all with praise and a room that was far too hot for people to laugh in for about 15 minutes. Once we had made the audience overly hot, then freezing cold again laughter resumed to full levels and all was lovely. Funny how people aren’t comfortable enough to laugh if they feel like their faces are melting. Must’ve been why those Nazis at the end of Indiana Jones and the witch in Wizard of Oz didn’t laugh much. 
While I would love to give you a run down of each act and how awesome they all were I have to run away and write some kids jokes. Thats jokes for kids, not jokes about kids. Oddly enough I have some of the latter and I can’t tell them as the former. None of this is fair. 
Oh and we got a new sofa by the way. We haven’t told the cats yet incase they will get sad we are chucking out their current scratch post. We will need to take them to this before the next one arrives: