Ignore This Blog pt 1

The next two days of bloggery are going to be very brief and probably somewhat dull. I’ve given you that forewarning, so if needs be, you can just turn back now and ignore things till Sunday. Go on. This is your only chance. Have you gone yet? Good. Idiot. Now everyone I shall reveal the secrets of the universe. I’m not allowed to tell idiots so I had to divert their attention. Turns out everything in the entire known universe is made of Lego. Yeah the 4 piece square blocks mainly. You have to have a strong foundation. I know, I know. Right that should have driven away the rest of you who’d hoped I’d say something important. If you are still reading I’m thoroughly disappointed that my blog readers believe that everything is made of Lego. Although admittedly, they do have some rather good Lego bits nowadays so its only a matter of time.

So yeah, today I have to write things. I’ve landed myself in that conundrum once again where I have a whole new show to do tomorrow at the Glasgow festival, but it turns out, its not finished yet. Don’t get me wrong, its more finished than when I was in Leicester, but its still not really finished very much. Only 4 people have bought tickets to tomorrow’s show and I fear it may be another repeat of the LCF where I awkwardly say unfunny words very fast to a few very awkward people who feel awkward to be there. What I’m hoping is that it sells really really well so that I say unfunny words very fast to lots of silent awkward people who feel awkward collectively. Anyway, writing this here blog doesn’t help any and so I’m going to make today’s and tomorrow’s pretty brief and then slam you down with a megatastic blogsplosion on Sunday. Yeah you heard me, a blogsplosion. You’ll read it and it’ll be like loads of words exploding in your eyes, which I suppose ultimately, would be hugely uncomfortable. Sorry about that. Maybe you shouldn’t read any blogs till Monday. Monday will be blogsplosion aftermath with lots of fall out problems, injured blog victims and a Fox blog news crew saying the Middle East did it. And the Liberals.

What I will tell you about el quicko, is that at last night’s gig I had to tell the promoter to remove two cokeheaded messed up women who had snuck into the gig without paying, sat in the front row and talked and tried to heckle throughout the second section. The gig itself was not the easiest anyway, with an awkward overlit room, no house music during the intervals and too many acts but 99% of the crowd were lovely and so it seemed to work. Till ‘they’ arrived’. Now normally, they would be removed pronto. In fact they wouldn’t have made it past the door person. But being that there wasn’t a door person, they got past them very well. So after a bit of unnecessary banter with them I said to the promoter that they needed to leave and he couldn’t see why they were a problem. Now maybe I’ve been spoilt with gigs lately, gigs where there haven’t been any idiots to begin with, but I had a problem with these two twattish girls. So did the other acts. Maybe we are just snobs that hate it when people who’ve paid £10 a ticket have to have their night interrupted by non paying arseholes who were the level of drunk that should get them evicted out of most bars. Eventually, they were removed. But only after they’d been to the loo several times and back, talked through two acts then told one of the staff they had paid and he completely believed them. I’m in Hampshire tonight. Its unlikely this will happen. Or at least if it does they’ll be heading to the stables to take very very high quality drugs which should make a slight bit of difference.

Right, you’ve stuck around and you’ve seen what’s happened. Tomorrow’s blog will be about 7 lines long and sent from my iPhone as I dart from my stupidly early morning flight into Glasgow City. Expect the worst.

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