I’ve been up since 9am trying to get free tickets for the Rage Against the Machine gig in June. I expected to be stuck in an online queuing system for several hours constantly, and perhaps ironically, getting more and more angry with my machine until smashing my laptop with various bits of hard things out of frustration. Maybe, I was suspecting, this was all Rage’s evil luddite plan so that everyone would break their computer and avoid the gaze of big brother* and the nanny state. Not sure why big brother and the nanny state have homosexuals that look at you through the computer, but they do. Arf. Did you see what I did there? Did you? Anyway, it turns out, I got 3 tickets in about 6 minutes of refreshing the page. Far too easy. I can’t help but wonder if there is some sort of catch. Maybe we will all only be allowed to hear one song, or perhaps that Rage won’t turn up at all as we all know they don’t do what we tell them. Who knows? Either way, I’m seriously excited. Now I only have to see Tom Waits, the Wu-Tang Clan (original line-up), Jeff Buckley and Jimi Hendrix and that’ll be my tick list of gigs sorted. Seeing as the last few are dead (not all the Wu-Tang are dead, just one, unless you think Ghostface has an actual Ghost-Face. But he doesn’t. So if you think that you’re an idiot) I’ll just hope Tom Waits gigs in the UK soon, or they invent time machines.
Some other things:
Pancakes – I had 4 pancakes yesterday. I wish more days were pancake days. Realistically, there is nothing stopping me having a pancake day everyday if I wanted to. Infact what I might do is have a pancake day every day except pancake day. Hows that for being ultra cool and rebelling against the norm? Hows that for getting really fat and malnourished? High fives!
Brits – I didn’t see much of the Brits at all. I know it will make me angry, and knowing Peter Kay was hosting was just more red rags waivered in a stupid bull’s face. I decided that as much as I like to slag these things off on Twitter, that I would avoid the whole ordeal. The one bit I did see was Lady Gaga being dressed like a fluffy cornetto in a mask. I would like to see bets taken on what she will wear next to ensure she looks like she’s properly batshit crazy and should be admitted. Its only a matter of time before the wigs wear out and she’s wearing y-fronts with a cycling helmet and has one tit out. That day everyone will realise they shouldn’t have given her all the awards at all, that its not all a clever fashion marketing strategy and that her name is more appropriate than we thought.
Sponsorship – I received a few negative sponsorship responses from people this morning, three of which stated the reason they couldn’t sponsor comedy is because its the World Cup this year and that’s their priority. Oh yeah, I forgot footballers needed more money. I forgot that its entirely justifiable that everytime they kick a ball a big corporation needs to whack another few grand their way to ensure that they don’t run out of caviar and starve when they leave the pitch. Got to remember what’s important people. Lets all release a band aid song so when not playing games our footballers can keep spit roasting teenagers and each others girlfriends as an example to the kids.
Hospital check up today, where I will get there in time for my appointment only to find that part of the appointment is an allowance of two hours to sit in a grey room with ill people staring at the wall so that your will is completely broken by the time you see the doctor and just nod as they prescribe you drugs to make your skin green and your eyes bleed. Cynical? Not at all.