In 1942, I invented the shoe

Its New Years Eve today, and does anyone give much of a fuck? It might just be age but I can no longer think of a worse way to spend my NYE than to pay hundreds of money for something that will never be as much fun as you want it to be, not get you drunk enough or get you so drunk you cant see in the New Year as you are completely blind, and then queue for a day just to get a bus home with lots of people you hate. All of these people will be doing things like vomiting, groping each other or wanting to to wish you a Happy New Year even though they wont ever see you again, wont give a shit about your year in twenty four hours and if you had said something even half as friendly to them on the bus several weeks before would have thought you were a Jesus freak. If you meet anyone like this tonight, do make a point of taking contact details and chasing them up on a weekly basis to ask how their year is going. I guarantee you, they wont like it. 


So tonight my girlfriend and I are staying in, cooking a massive Thai meal and watching Jools Holland be massively uncool in a cool way in that way only he is able to do. I’ve never understood how you can make dad-like statements one minute then jam with brilliant people the next. I bet his children are very confused about whether to be embarrassed about him or not. I like to think that by seeing in the New Year without a hangover its a sign for the rest of the year. Of course that sign may well be that I will continue to have no friends and not go out socially ever again. That would be a bad sign.

Two good things happened yesterday. One of these was that we bought a new blender. Blenders are brilliant. They are one of the most enjoyable kitchen appliances you can get, because with one button press you chop stuff into smithereens. So far some bananas and peanut butter have suffered for the sake of a milkshake, both of which are pretty easy for some blades. I will slowly up the anti until they are forced to deal with wood and lumps of titanium.

The other good thing was the Shooting Stars special being much better than I thought it would be. Some of the show did seem a little forced and I thought Jack Dee overplayed the miserable man much more than he needed, although its possible that it could have been caused by him watching an episode of Lead Balloon just before they filmed. The lack of the dove from above and the club singing was also an error on their part. However George Dawes was amazing. Why isnt Matt Lucas even a tenth that funny on Little Britain? I now believe that its all Walliams fault and he obviously sucks Lucas’s funny out because after watching that song there is definitely funny there. How he sucks it out we will never know. The invention song was brilliant and will now take place in comedy history. If you missed it, its here:


The documentary before it was good, but it was a shame Lamarr wasn’t on it. He took part in what was easily the best Shooting Stars challenge ever which they somehow managed not to show despite its greatness. I leave you with this today, have a Happy New Year and all that. 



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