Its around that time of the year once again, when I get hayfever. As soon as the sun starts shining and the plants all start appearing and having a crazy fun flower time my face joins in the fun by slowly falling apart. My nose refuses to do anything useful and just blocks up like a snot barricade against pollen whilst my eyes use that great defence system of just becoming so itchy that eventually I may scratch them out, thus removing them from the front line. I had never had hayfever before until about 6 years ago when suddenly 1 of 2 things must have happened. Either 1) pollen has become stronger due to GMO and radiation. It is now able to affect even the toughest of antihistamine based humans and could also be why all the bees are dying out as they can’t carry such potent stuff without keeling over. Or 2) I have become rubbish and can’t handle pollen anymore.
I really don’t like having hayfever. It ruins all the joys of Spring. No longer can I skip merrily in fields, high-fiving cows and smelling buttercups. If I even go near a place that once saw flowers at one point then I start sneezing so much I have to hold on to something or I fall over. I have been told all the remedies: Honey/honeycomb – because bees don’t get hayfever; various antihistamines – all of which bar one make me very drowsy and therefore I haven’t got the energy to go outside anyway; Clarityn – the one antihistamine that doesn’t make me drowsy and also, as a result doesn’t seem to work; Wearing a pelt of a newborn rabbit with the melted ashes of dead lillies on it slung around my neck as you sleep every day for a month – ok so that one isn’t true but if was all say it is I reckon its only a matter of time before someone tries it.
Don’t have a lot of reason to go outside today anyway as I’ve barricaded myself in with the promise of doing some spring cleaning. I have a lot of dirty springs so it must be done. Arf. No today is for cleaning out lots of old stuff I don’t really need or want anymore. I have loads of t-shirts that are so worn I should probably throw them out, or wear them and pretend they are retro cool. Its hard to know which is the best option. I find that a lot of clothes that I assumed were chuckable have suddenly appeared as the height of fashion. A little while ago I found a tragically large pair of 80’s sunglasses that made me unfortunately look like big gay face Elton John when I wore them. Since mercilessly throwing them away I have noticed more and more people, including Kanye West, striving to look like big gay face Elton John and wear glasses that are far too big for their heads. If I had had such foresight I would have sold them to someone. Probably Kanye.
A brief blog today. Lack of gigs has numbed my brain and I have just had far too much beer and dumbed down to vast amounts of 24, Lost and the Wire, all of which have still very much got their televisual hooks in my eyes. Which might be the real reason they are so itchy. 24 has taken a twist that has really kept me interested and now I just can’t give up on it. Lost is so so irritatingly rubbish at the moment but I need to watch it incase it does all turn out to be a dream and I have to sign a death warrant on JJ Abrahms life for wasting so much of it. And then there’s the Wire, which I could never complain about ever. I mean its just superb. The only thing that worries me is now that its shown all week on BBC2 even more people will be talking about how great it is and I won’t feel like I’m superior for telling other people to watch it. I might start the lie saying that I told BBC to put it on TV just to keep face. And by that, I mean dignity, not the member of the A-Team I have locked in my basement.