Hardcore Tour Meister

It’s the third night of my 15 date, self booked, self promoted UK tour tonight. So far, it’s been very nice. That’s nice in a good way, not in a ‘not great’ or ‘biscuit’ way. Audiences have been reasonable in size and excellent in, er, being. They have been receptive to me waffling on about why I hate a number of things including the government, spiders and people, even though, no doubt, some of them are also people. I’m actually pretty sure they are all people, but I didn’t ask, so I wouldn’t want to presume. I have, like all rock and roll comedians, been living the life of a proper touring comic. The sort of exciting shit that anyone would want to snap up for a best selling biography. Right now, for example gossip fans, I’m having tea, tweaking some jokes and listing to Dorothy Ashby ‘Afro Harping’. Hold your frikkin’ horses! I’m two sensible meals away from pretending to throw a TV out of the window. Only pretending of course. I’m not a dick.

I say the audiences have been of reasonable size, and what I should honestly clarify by that is that it’s reasonable on account of no one knowing who I am, me not being on telly, and that the tone of my material is probably a tad more political than your normal Saturday night turn. I feel incredibly grateful for this. I was genuinely worried that I was being idiotic enough to book this tour knowing full well, in comedy lore, I really shouldn’t be. I full expected to (and to be fair, there are still 12 more shows for this to happen) turn up to rooms of two unsuspecting people who got confused and thought I was Tommy Tiernan, before having to pull the evening or try my best at an Irish accent.* So it’s been amazing that hasn’t happened yet. Tonight there are over 30 in which is so reassuring. Last night someone turned up for their birthday with ten friends just to hear me say how much I hate people. Unbelievable.

It’s not only the audiences but the venues that have been so supportive, PR has been fairly easy to organise and overall I’m really starting to wonder if there’s a catch. Aside from not really earning any money or accidentally booking Newcastle after Exeter and spending nearly two whole days in a car, of course. Oh and realising my show isn’t as finished as I thought it was, but it might be by tonight. And definitely will be by tomorrow. Promise.**

I realise none of this makes for an interesting read. What would actually make for a great biography is having lows where I turned up to a venue and there was one man with a burning stick who wanted to denounce my act in the name of Beelzebub or extreme highs such as 4000 people turning up to a room that only holds 20 and I have to do the show while crowd surfing as the stage was covered in people. Instead, I’m pleased to say that I’m very glad this blog is boring. I’m very glad I have the absolute lucky life that I can turn up to places, say what I want to say and have people to say it too. It is a stupidly nice privilege to have and what I feel I’ve learned is that it’s entirely worthwhile pursuing certain comedy aims no matter how much it deviates from the standard system. However, just to make sure you all don’t lose interest, I am about to have a second cup of tea. I know, I know. I do these things just for you.

 

* My Irish accent is really good. So good that it makes Keith Farnan angry.

** It will be. I have added two lines. And 4 extra words.

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I’m currently on my first ever UK tour! All dates and ticket links are up at my website: http://www.tiernandouieb.co.uk. Please spread the word and come along as if you’re not there, it’ll be rubbish. It’ll just be me in a room and if I can’t get 3G I’ll be really bored. The very funny Chris Coltrane is supporting me on some dates and the brilliant Keith Farnan is doing a double header with me on others.

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