Fire Zombies

I don’t have to do a thing today. I’m trying my best efforts not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. Necessary means things like ‘if the house was filled with zombies’, ‘if the house was on fire’ or ‘if the house was filled with fire zombies’, so chances are high I’m going nowhere. The weather, accordingly, is looking shit and so there is little guilt to be had about me sitting on our sofa in my onesi watching films and spending far too much time on the Xbox. Yes, after a long hiatus from Xbox action since May, I am now addicted to a computer game again after having purchased Batman: Arkham City. I had temporarily pretended that I no longer had a need for computer games and that somehow, I’d accidentally grown up. Turns out though, its just that I was too poor to get good games and whilst on the one hand I used to think that playing computer games had no viable achievement in the real world, I now feel like every time I turn the console off, the citizens of Gotham are feeling my absence. I know they’re only virtual, but I’m a righteous guy and real or not, they need me to be glued to the TV screen like a penguin with a torchlight (yes I know I keep referencing penguins with torchlights, blame Frozen Planet) to stop them from suffering.

Once again, after having missed blogging yesterday – which in turn means you missed me gushing about the brilliance of DJ Shadow for four paragraphs, which I think would be trying on even the most stoic of readers – here’s a collection of things that have been gently dancing on the Tiernan brain for the past two days:

Christmas Markets – The name of such an event fills my heart with small bouncing baubles of joy. I know baubles don’t bounce, they just smash, unremittingly, on the living room floor in a symbol that says ‘Christmas is dead’ more than anything else. I’ve spent one Xmas in my life with pet kittens. I know how it works. I chose baubles as after hearing that my local area had a Christmas Market yesterday, me and L leapt into action, stomping up the hill expecting free mince pies, mulled wine galore and much festive fun. Instead, the shattered reality of Christmas as an adult showed itself as a series of tables with very bored people sat at them, all trying to sell real tat such as candles and knitted things, in a recession. No one wants these things at the best of times, and even though our area is filled with some wealthy residents, its not what’s needed now. I can’t help but feel if they’d just sold tinned goods and firewood, they’d have made far more of a profit.

Euro Veto – According to popularity polls, Cameron has gone up in opinions as PM after him making us the lone contender in Europe. Newspapers compared him to Churchill, failing to point out that Churchill’s ‘fuck you’ was during a war and towards the destruction of our country and the tirade of a very evil dictator. Cameron’s was to a contingency that has left us with a single market of 60 million rather than a possible market of 500 million. Something I really don’t think is very clever in this constant ‘recession’ we are being told about. Clegg has expressed his disdain and even though I’m not a fan of the turncoat either, I very much hope that the Conservatives decision to Veto the Eurozone treaty will turn the pro-Europe Lib Dems fully against them, losing the Conservatives the majority in parliament and royally screwing them as a party even more. I just pray the UK public don’t keep praising the PM for what I’m fairly sure will reveal itself to be a huge error for years to come, and end up voting the Tories in with a majority next time round, allowing them to get away with destroying this country in a fashion Godzilla would have felt harsh.

Komedia Brighton – I really wish the Komedia Brighton would run courses for other gig promoters in how a gig should be run. I honestly believe that across the UK you will only find a handful of places (the Stand and Get Stuffed in Tring to name but two) that care for the comics so well and run a gig with such efficiency and dedication. Well done them, a bloody joy to play it really is.

Dermot – I like Dermot O’Leary on the Radio. I’m not sure what happens to him once he leaves the BBC Radio studios and heads towards X-Factor but its as though his personality, inquisitive nature and joy for actual music dies, half his brain switches off and he just goes to auto-pilot. Fair play to him for being able to do this, and I like that his Saturday afternoon show proves he is a human being of sorts. I was listening to him yesterday though when something strange happened. He was interviewing James Blake, a man who as of recent times, I have become as geeky about his music as I have DJ Shadow’s and have been known to purchase the Blake’s music the second it arrives on iTunes. I still don’t know how to class his music but unlike Dermot, I wouldn’t have used the word ‘weird’. Yep. After a beautiful live version of ‘Lindesfarne’, Dermot said to Blake ‘that was great and weird’. No. What happened to Dermot? It’s as though someone had accidentally put the X-Factor him on the radio instead and this ignorant and tactless man incapable of being able to vocalise how he feels about a type of very original music from a guest he had invited on appeared and demeaned all of his efforts in seconds. Whatever you may think of James Blake, if he was sitting there, you wouldn’t say his music was weird. At least go for ‘interesting’ which we all know means ‘not for me, but hey ho’, or original which means ‘not for me, but hey ho’. Not weird, which out and out means ‘not for me, and really fucking weird’. Bring back old Dermot who was excited about hearing new and original music. With the demise of Giles Peterson’s radio show on 1, and Mark Lamarr leaving Radio 2, there’s so few DJs that actually give a window to new and interesting musicians who don’t just churn out the same manufactured shit as everyone else. It’s like the whole world is becoming a shambolic Christmas market. So much promise yet only the delivery of bland things no one really wants.

DJ Shadow – was fucking amazing.

Think ‘pon that world. Think ‘pon that.

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