Toy Story

I was informed yesterday that my blog doesn’t have enough sex in it, apparently. Some of you, out there, are wishing that inbetween my diabtribes about losing my PJ bottoms (pretty sexy stuff), ninjas (grrr sexy ninjas) and getting shin splints (raow, shin splints) there is a desire for more Mills and Boon esque romping in these passages. So to satiate these needs, I will be playing funky sexy bass guitar through this blog therefore ‘sexing it up’. I hope you’re not wearing much, because its going to get hot in here. Or you could open a window? Or turn the heating down. Don’t do both or you’ll get cold. And don’t turn the heating up then open the window as that’s a waste. I’m just saying. Bow chikka wow wow. Sexy?

Not that its any sort of a game, (bow chikka wow wow) nor is it a great indicator of my personality and need for attention, but often throwing down the ‘I’m stand-up’ card when someone asks you what you do at a social gathering, is the winning play. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far more interested in what other people do, but its rare you get a job that entices as much excitement or banter when you casually drop it into play. (bow chikka wow wow) There are times and places though to not do this, in order, for example to avoid a ton of ‘great jokes’ people know that they insist on telling you despite obviously racist comment, but they are few and far between. However – and I’m fully aware that anyone reading this blog for the first time today will already hate me to a certain extent this far in. To be fair, you should read back through previous blogs, and you’ll probably hate me anyway. Especially as they haven’t been sexy enough – yesterday I met a dude (he was a dude) who had, what I consider to be, the best job in the whole world. This dude, Steve we’ll call him, as Steve was his name and its appropriate to call people by their names I find, designed toys. (bow chikka wow wow)

Yep. Re-read that. Re-read it again. And again. And realise that that incredible job position exists. No, he’s not one of Santa’s elves. Nope. He’s an actual dude who makes toys. The sort of thing I dreamed of doing as a kid, I always wanted to be able to build the best Traxxas RC trucks from scratch and several other kids did too. He’s currently working on stuff for the next Batman film so has seen designs for the new film way before most people, and he’s also designed the coolest scooter thing ever that I can’t tell you about as its top secret. A TOP SECRET SCOOTER. IS THAT NOT THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD? (bow chikka wow wow) I quickly drove him away with endless questions about the best thing he’s made (incidentally, its the top secret scooter) and classic toys and whether or not he worked in a secret lab in a batcave type place, where goblins and wizards help him make things, how I can have a toy of me, and whether or not Toy Story is based on a true story but was covered up by the government. (bow chikka wow wow)

I’d bloody love to design toys. I’ve got loads of ideas for toys. Like, er, big toys. And small ones. And medium ones. And ones that make the noise ‘parp’. Bloody loads of ideas. (bow chikka wow wow) Needless to say I managed to wing the conversation around to the new Transformer toy called ‘Spastic‘ and simultaneously proved why he has a more interesting job than mine. Steve’s purpose is to make children happy all over the world. I occasionally tell someone their job is shit. I might start saying at parties I make toys….

(bow chikka wow wow)

Oh and Carnaby St have the most amazing Christmas lights and and and I’ve got a new hat. Everyone’s a winner. Except you. You’re a loser. (bow chikka wow wow)

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