No News Is Good News

Is it wrong to be annoyed that anyone cares that Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married? Don’t get me wrong, well done to people getting married, how nice to celebrate love for each other blah blah blah vomit in your own mouth blah blah blah, but should it really be top item on BBC News’s webpage? I read that page several times a day in order to try and make some semblance of a joke somewhere and more often than not I’m disheartened by what seems to deemed as important stories. Today, the William/Kate story is top. Below it is the important story about Guantanamo detainees finally being given some sort of apology for all the unfair torture they received. I’d argue that cash is never going to get away the nightmare’s of waterboarding, but there you go. Then below that is the story that the entire Eurozone may collapse. One of the world’s main currencies is about to go under, which would have catastrophic consequences for the financial stability of a large part of the world. With Ireland already in severe crisis and Greece having only scraped by on an EU bailout, its a terrifying thought. But do we care? No. The media is more concerned with informing us that a rich twat who lives off our taxes is marrying another rich twat.

I know this has always been the case and its partly society’s fault for demanding such things like the gullible good news loving idiots we are. I remember when the terrible earthquake happened in China few years back, 10,000 people died, and yet that was only second on the BBC’s most emailed links, under ‘Dog suckles both puppies and kittens’. Essentially a story about interspecies breeding overtakes mass human death in the public’s interest. Though I’m sure if it had been ‘Woman suckles weasels’ it wouldn’t have roused the same level of attention. No wait. It probably would have got more. Either way I suppose it all plays to the fact that Mr and Mrs average human now prefer to deal with a level of escapism rather than indulge in the reality of life. No longer is the ‘nice’ item saved for the end of the news but very much shoved to the forefront in order to buffer us from the general horrors of actual existence. No we don’t want you to tell us we’ll all freeze ever winter due to extortionate gas bills or the several ways in which the Coalition will ensure everyone under a £100k paycheck will be homeless and broke within four years at the expense of the rich, we’d all prefer to read this story about a llama that saved his farmer in Palma, and the whole thing can sneak up on us and kick us in the face when we’re not looking. That way when we live in a cave and don’t have tellys anymore, feeding of the bones of those that have already died, we can chuckle about Dave the Llamas antics. Or something.

I’m very happy today. I’m not sure where this rant has come from, but its just another notch on the endless tirade of humanity’s current level of stupidity. I’m going to formulate a plan whereby the news becomes only cute and hilarious items but filled with subliminal messages that over time will infiltrate ideas that make the masses rise up against The Man. No one will see that shaved into the side of the kitten that performed mouth to mouth resuscitation on its elderly owner saving their life, will be a series of digits that when translated by the brain say ‘ fight the cuts’ or something perhaps more provocative like ‘give Cameron a wedgie’.

I just hope that amongst all this William and Kate realise the current state of the country and have it all at the Wood Green registry office to save the taxpayer’s money.

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