Tentententententententententen

Argh its 10/10/10! What does this mean? Are we all going to die? Are the entire events of 01/01/01 going to be reversed? Are we going to have to put up two tents in Estonia? (Work that one out douches) Or, as per usual with these hokum number scares, is pretty much nothing going to happen whatsoever, except that all OCD sufferers will feel slightly more content when they look at a calendar than normal? I’ll tell you what is going to happen today. Firstly, I’m going to kick the shit out of Sunday by seeing my old friends – I have known them for ages, they aren’t ancient – Pat and Maria for a nut roast. That’s like a spit roast but only for men. HAHAHAHA! Its not. Its a nut roast because I embrace my veggie values to the extent that I will indulge in eating bland slightly too dry foods rather than choose the goats cheese piss flan or boring yawnsville pasta option. One day, someone will work out how to do a veggie roast in a pub properly. Its not that hard. You just need veggie sausages or something similar. And then the rest of a normal roast. THERE IS NO NEED TO REPLACE THE MEAT BIT WITH SOMETHING THAT TASTES LIKE CRUMBLY CARDBOARD TO THE EXTENT THAT I AM UNABLE TO TALK FOR 30 MINS AFTER UNTIL MY MOUTH CAN REGAIN ENOUGH MOISTURE TO BECOME UNSTUCK. Phew. I am very much looking forward to it all though. That is primarily what Sundays are for. I may even have a Bloody Mary. Shit yeah. Watch me push that boat out. Watch the boat man tell me to bring it back in as my time is now up. And then, after all that, I’m off to Bury St Edmunds. I’m gonna need a pretty big spade! HAHAHHAHAHAH! Sorry. I’ve had sleep. This is what happens.

Somewhere inbetween all that, I’ve vowed that I will order my onesi today from The All In One Company. I was going to do it last night, but I ummed and ahhhed over whether or not to get a wolf or another animal. Finally settling on wolf, I was stuck as to what colour. Perhaps a blueberry? Or a black? Or a cream? I mean, what do I want my onesi to say about me as I sit on the nightbus dressed as a wolf? Am I some sort of blue mystical wolf dude, a hardcore ninja wolf dude or er, just a wolf that really doesn’t want to spill anything on himself incase it stains? Any thoughts would be very helpful. One it arrives I will be mostly wearing it and nothing else for some time. I fully intend to do at least an Old Rope and a Fat Tuesday in it, with possibly more gigs to follow depending on how it goes. I will also happily just parade around wolf style on a day to day basis. Then I will hold some onesi parties which contain no sexual activity due to the extreme difficulty of getting out of one’s onesi, but everyone will be warm and snuggly. On second thoughts, that does sound lame. Still, who wouldn’t get happy at a room of people dressed up in onesi’s? We’d only play Jonsi, ‘cos it sounds nearly the same. Dear god, I’m far too excited about this.

Anyway, none of this was what today’s rather shambolic all-over-the-place blog was about. What I wanted to tell ya’ll, which I rarely do, is that there are some pretty awesome big stand-up peoples doing tours at the mo and you should really go. I worked with Craig Campbell again last night and it never stops being a joy watch that man at work. To a delightful crowd of young freshers, he regaled them with stories of buying timber in England and hunting for bears and they sat there wide eyed in awe and laughter. You honestly won’t have a better evening. His tour dates are all here:

CRAIG CAMPBELL – MOOSEFUCKER TOUR

I would also highly highly recommend Hal Cruttenden’s tour and Zoe Lyons too as they are all excellent and thanks to McIntyre’s Roadshow are finally able to hit the solo touring scene, which is long overdue for all of them. Stop spending money on stupid sized O2 gigs and go see them instead.

That was it really. Very little other insights for you today. Its a Sunday so you shouldn’t be reading much anyway. Rest those peepers. Saying that, if it is the ‘end of the world’ today, then this might be the last thing you ever read. Well. Er. Sorry. Sorry to have wasted the last moments of your existence. Haha. I win. Except I’ll die whilst still chewing the same bit of nut roast for the six millionth time unable to swallow, so actually, you win. Sigh.

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