Clueless

Its clear I should never be a detective. How on earth would I ever be able to piece clues together to find out who the murderer was, when I’m currently struggling to work out exactly what the last 30 minutes of my evening entailed last night. Shoes thrown across the floor, a brown jumper that’s not mine, a text half written in my phone to someone I really shouldn’t text while drunk and I’m very pleased didn’t send, half a glass of water, two different ink stamps on my hand, vague memories of thinking I can dance to rockabilly (I can’t) and a small amount of hope that I didn’t upset anyone/ make a fool of myself/ break anything. These sorts of results would never make a great Sherlock Holmes novel, but there is a hint of hesitation and also excitement in figuring out exactly how I had the hand to eye co-ordination to open my front door and why that final shot of sambuca should never have happened. I say its a mystery, but the culprit is a fairly obvious one. Colonel booze, with the shot glass, in the bar at 4am.

The venue last night was the Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes. No bowling happened, thank god, or I worry I would have killed someone with strike of unintended sorts, and instead we just reveled in the 50’s theme of our surroundings. I have decided I’m a big fan of that current trend. Alongside my enjoyment of electro swing, I very much enjoy that polka dotted happy aura. I suppose people were happy in the 50’s and early 60’s. I mean Happy Days proves that doesn’t it? I will be using that as a case study. Then you had the whole post-war vibes going down. I presume its nice not to be fighting anyone. Besides that, I don’t know a lot. I could wikipedia it, but there’s several years of reading to get through and my hangover is making staring at a computer screen harder than most things. All I’m saying is well done 50’s themed stuff. Themed stuff is always better than the actual stuff as it just provides the fun bit of the era without all the other bits. 80’s nights for example, provide stupid clothes and shit music, but luckily don’t charge you poll tax as you walk in. Maybe I will start a themed night where its more realistic. I’ll choose a medieval themed night and spray people with bubonic plague on the entrance door. I reckon it’ll be a popular new thing.

Sigh. I need to stop writing this now. Thankfully I’m hosting a late show at the Komedia tonight, which gives me the maximum amount of hours I need to stop being in a mess. All I need to do now is go back through the clues and work out where I’ve left my brain…..

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